"Look ma! Top of the world!"

You have to feel for indie bands. They spend their lives painting themselves into a tinier and tinier corner of the world and then try and propagate the fantasy that they're HER-YUGE! That's why we were thrilled to hear that the Tapes 'n' Tapes (Dear God, out of what fevered dream did that name arise?) secret gig was, in the words of the song, no secret anymore.

TAPES 'N TAPES

It's been two years since Tapes 'n Tapes brought us 'The Loon', a debut album so infectious and unique, it's four creators found themselves thrown from sleepy Minneapolis into a worldwide deal with big fans XL Recordings, extensive USA & European touring, a spot performing on Letterman and across the pages of every credible music bible going. Phew.

Then came the challenge - how to match - no, surpass even - an album so endearing and vivacious? Fear not, for 'Walk It Off' will not disappoint. With the layered intricacies of it's predecessor but with added weight of a band that has definitely grown up and grown serious balls, 'Walk It Off', in short, rocks.

'Walk It Off' is out on Monday 7th April, preceded by the single 'Hang Them All' out on Monday 31st March.

As a celebration of their return and as an extra special treat for fans, Tapes 'n Tapes are special - and until now secret! - guests at brand new night Lip Moves @ Old Blue Last on Monday 3rd March.

*** This is the Tapes 'n Tapes ONLY UK gig pre-release, don't miss out!!! ****

"Grown serious balls" may well be the grossest misuse of the English language we have come across this week. But there's still a couple of days to go.

That Noise? It's The Rock Business Grinding To A Complete Halt

This is terrible news. An entire promo tour wiped-out - it's like Vietnam or something. 30 years from now people will recall where they were when they first heard about Lenny Kravitz cancelling his European Promo Tour. It's a sad day. On the upside, despite being hospitalized for a variety of wow-factor illnesses, Kravitz was compos mentis enough to make a novel-length announcement to his "fans"...

LENNY KRAVITZ POSTPONES EUROPEAN PROMO TRIP DUE TO ILLNESS

Lenny Kravitz has announced that due to an ongoing illness he will be postponing his upcoming European promo tour, which was arranged in support of his new album release. The promo trip was scheduled to commence this coming week and run through the end of March.

Kravitz has been suffering with a series of severe respiratory track infections in tandem with the flu since mid- January, which has turned into bronchitis. Due to extreme dehydration and fatigue doctors were unable to control it with outpatient treatment and advised the singer to check into the hospital. He was taken this morning to the emergency room at Mount Sinai Hospital in Miami for immediate treatment.

"I would like to apologize to my fans in Europe," said Kravitz. "I am extremely disappointed that I am not able to come to Europe to see everyone and also perform. Unfortunately I need to take this time to rest and get healthy and so I was forced to make this BLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAH...

The New Worst Press Release Ever Has Arrived

These Drum and Bass "despots" have "savage" beats" that will be "rocking the foundations" of OH JESUS MAKE IT STOP. If you have the stomach for it, try the paragraph that begins, "Having seamlessly...". I promise you won't read a more ineptly worded sentence this year. I know Cream are a bunch of slack-jawed, ex market-trader wide-boys, but surely even they must see this is damaging to their "reputation"? If I were in Pendulum I'd want this person birched. Points, however, for finishing with "2008 is set to be their year, catch them while you can" which translates as "I am an utter fool and I can't think of how to finish this without resorting to the worst, most painful cliché."

** MEDIA ALERT ** Cream Presents Pendulum

We are pleased to announce the return of Pendulum to Liverpool on BLAHBLAHBLAH.

Following their sell out performance as part of Liverpool Music Week in December, the drum & bass despots will be bringing their savage beats to the live stage once again, rocking the foundations of Liverpool Uni.

Having seamlessly made the transition from intelligent drum n bass producers to being tipped as ‘most likely to become the next Prodigy”, their infamous trademark sound which has dancefloor impact with electrifying consequences is what has catapulted this trio to success.

After selling over BLAHBLAHBLAH...
2008 is set to be their year, catch them while you can.

The Brit Awards: The Tragedy Begins...

In professionally-sanctioned, peer-reviewed, double-blind tests, Sharon Osbourne has been proved to be the least likeable, most fatuous and unwatchable person on UK television. And Ozzy is a ruined, shaking clown. The perfect choice then for a BRIT show that promises to make the Mick Fleetwood and Sam Fox debacle from 1989 appear like audiovisual manna from the very cleavage of heaven itself. By the way, if the person who wrote this - and you know who you are - promises to make moral amends then the phrase "Rock's first couple" will be forgotten and forgiven...

From: ***@ITV.com
Date: 11 February 2008 10:11:40 GMT
Subject: Sharon & Ozzy quotes - The Brits

Please see below for some quotes from Sharon and Ozzy Osbourne ahead of The BRIT Awards next week.

Legendary rock’n’roll couple Sharon and Ozzy Osbourne preside over the The BRITs 2008 when the UK’s biggest and most prestigious music awards returns live to ITV1 on February 20th.

Sharon Osbourne said of hosting the biggest and most anticipated music party of the year: “The thing I'm most looking forward to is working with Ozzy again. We’re not nervous. What is there to be nervous about - this is music! We are not hosting the Nobel Peace awards - we just want to make this awards show great fun.”

Rock’s first couple remain tight lipped about who they would like to see take home a BRIT saying, “everyone who is nominated deserves to win” while naming their all time favourite BRITs moment as the time Jarvis Cocker stormed the BLAHBLAHBLAHBLAH

We shall overcome

There's something about the word "Congress" that makes you think of North Korea, isn't there? This has got something of the Tooting Popular Front about it, the faint smell of having been cooked up by one bloke in a bedsit trying to become famous. And while we'll probably buy the idea that Amy Winehouse and Joss Stone could be said to be playing "black music", if there is such a thing, how the hell they drag Lily Allen into this is a bit of a mystery. About as plausible as Naomi Campbell uttering a revelation or the music business having a system.

Black Music Congress Press Release

Feb. 8 2008

AFRICAN BRITISH ARTIST ARE LOOKING BEYOND RACISM TO DEVELOP THEIR CAREERS

The recent revelations by supermodel Naomi Campbell and her former agent that the modelling business is racist, resulting in African models not being put forward for lucrative jobs or earning less than their European peers, is nothing new for many Africans in the music industry.

Four years ago at a Black Music Congress (BMC) debate, panellist Mykaell Riley, accused the music industry of “systematic, and endemic institutional racism.”

Except for Corinne Bailey Rae, no new African British act has achieved major success in the last two years. However, Britain’s best-selling black music acts are Joss Stone, Amy Winehouse and Lily Allen.

What he means to say is

Writing about music, observed Frank Zappa, is like tap dancing about architecture. This is a discovery made halfway through writing this press release by this monkey with a typewriter. Hence he employs three-way genre semaphore in order to describe the music this band play and then weakly adds "in other words".

Destroy Everything is a five-piece punk band from Chicago, with a sound derived from Midwest hardcore of the early 1980s overlayed with anthemic melodies of the late 1970s London punk scene and mixed in with a bit of Southern California skate-punk (in other words: catchy songs with a sort of turbo-charged swagger).

Still, makes you want to "check them out", don't it?

Love Music, Hate Rubbishism

1978: The Clash, Steel Pulse, X Ray Spex and the Tom Robinson Band

2008: Babyshambles, The Paddingtons, Fionn Regan and more... Who's promoting this show, huh? Is it HITLER?

IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Organisers today announced the first details of the Love Music Hate Racism Carnival '08 - a massive free outdoor music festival in east London's Victoria Park, taking place on Sunday April 27th.

LMHR Carnival '08 is timed to celebrate the 30th Anniversary of the iconic 1978 Rock Against Racism (RAR)/Anti Nazi League (ANL) carnival and march. On 30th April 1978, BLAHBLAHBLAH...
 
Longtime LMHR supporters Babyshambles this week confirmed as the Carnival. Other acts already confirmed to play include The Paddingtons, Roll Deep, Fionn Regan, Natty and Ace & BLAHBLAHBLAH