Leave Me Alone!

This just in from an LiS operative in the field:

LiS, it's not just the fact that I live in a different continent that makes this semi-spam so depressingly pointless. More pertinently it's simply viewing the list of obviously corporatised rock-holes that this dashingly versatile muso (I've never heard of) is playing that physically slows the heartrate. How could anyone find pleasure attending a "show" at "The Beatles Revolution Lounge, Las Vegas"? Awful...

-----Original Message-----
From: Sandee Gardner [sandee@freshcleanmedia.com]
Sent: Wed, 8 Oct 2008 5:19 pm
Subject: INCUBUS BASSIST BEN KENNEY EMBARKS ON SOLO WINTER TOUR

For Immediate Release
October 8, 2008

INCUBUS BASSIST BEN KENNEY EMBARKS ON SOLO WINTER TOUR

THIRD SOLO ALBUM, "NAME DELETED",
AVAILABLE ON iTUNES
While Southern California rock band Incubus take a brief hiatus, bassist Ben Kenney is heading out on the road in support of his solo effort, "NAME DELETED. The tour will make stops in Austin, New York, Cleveland and Las Vegas before winding up in Los Angeles at the House of Blues Sunset.

Released earlier this year, "NAME DELETED" is a DIY project in every sense of the word. Every track on the album was written, produced, engineered, mixed and performed by Ben Kenney alone. The multi-instrumentalist also packaged and distributed the album himself through his own company, Ghetto Crush Industries.

A video created for the song “NAME DELETED” showcases the many talents of Ben Kenney – guitar, bass, drums, vocals - not to mention the fact that he directed and shot it himself. Distance and Comfort is currently available at iTunes and GhettoCrush.com.
Ben Kenney played guitar for the hip-hop group The Roots before joining Incubus in 2003. He has also done studio work with Justin Timberlake, Erykah Badu, Faith Evans and producers Timbaland, DJ Jazzy Jeff, Scott Storch and ?uestlove.

BEN KENNEY TOUR DATES

Nov 2 Dallas, TX Pontiac Garage
Nov 3 Austin, TX Emo’s
Nov 6 Pontiac, MI Eagle Theatre
Nov 7 Pittsburgh, PA Strummers
Nov 9 Washington, DC The Black Cat
Nov 10 Annapolis, MD Ram’s Head
Nov 11 New York, NY The Blender Theatre
Nov 12 Boston, MA Hard Rock Cavern Club
Nov 14 Northampton, MA Pearl Street
Nov 15 Portland, ME The Asylum
Nov 17 Hoboken, NJ Maxwell’s
Nov 18 Cleveland, OH Grog Shop
Nov 20 Denver, CO Walnut Room
Nov 22 Scottsdale, AZ Martini Ranch
Nov 23 Las Vegas, NV The Beatles Revolution Lounge
Nov 24 San Diego, CA House of Blues
Nov 25 Hollywood, CA House of Blues

For more information, please contact:
Sandee Gardner-Fenton

Guess What? "A woman’s brain and personality really do matter..."

I'm going to hand you straight over to a senior LiS correspondent on the scene of yet another, truly horrendous PR pile-up...

There are so many things wrong with this press release, but I’m finding it difficult to articulate myself coherently because I’m so angry. I’ll try, though:

Firstly, it was released less than four hours after our economy took what is arguably its worst hit in recent history; secondly, I’m a business journalist, so why in god’s name would I give two shits about the subject matter; and thirdly, it is ridiculously, painfully, indescribably misogynistic. I don’t want to go on and on about the sisterhood but seriously, Penny Lukats? I would rather quit my job, cut out my own ovaries, fry them up, arrange them with some seasonal vegetables and present them to my boss with a little flag sticking out saying ‘Germaine Greer says NO’ than allow anyone to know that I had played any part in the compiling, writing up or sending out of this ‘survey’.

Anyway, sorry to seem ranty but there you go. I normally laugh at this kind of thing but it’s made me really angry.

Ps. Just realised I didn’t make any reference to the sentence ‘Great news for honest, funny and bright women of every shape and size’. Silly sentence.

----FORWARDED MESSAGE
From: Penny Lukats [Penny.Lukats@parship.co.uk]
Sent: 08 October 2008 10:54
To: Penny Lukats
Subject: ONE IN THREE BRITISH MEN FIND 34E TOO MUCH OF A HANDFUL

Hi,
Please find below our latest research press release on breast size. Apparently one third of men prefer women with smaller breasts. But it’s not naturally voluptuous woman who are turning off men in their thousands, men are running scared at the prospect of dating a woman with gravity-defying surgically enhanced breasts.

If you would like further information, comment from our expert Dr Thalasis, or case studies, just let me know.

Best,

Penny Lukats
PARSHIP.com

ONE IN THREE BRITISH MEN FIND 34E TOO MUCH OF A HANDFUL

Majority of men prefer the boyish figure of Keira Knightley to the over-enhanced curves of Pamela Anderson.

With the average bra-size now ballooning from a 34B (Anna Kournikova) ten years ago to a 34E (Kelly Brook) in 2008*, you’d think that most single men would be in seventh heaven – but not so according to a new survey by PARSHIP.com Europe’s largest serious online matchmaking service. When it comes to relationships, 31% of single men would prefer not to try getting closer to a busty woman, so anything above a “D” cup will reduce a woman’s chances of finding a partner by as much as a third.

A survey of 13,000 singles across Europe by the dating firm PARSHIP.com revealed that one in ten (9%) single British men find big breasts a real turn-off and one in five (22%) say they would just barely consider dating anyone above a “D” cup, so 34E is off their scale.


But it’s not naturally voluptuous woman who are turning off men in their thousands. Like George Clooney, who is rumored to have ended his relationship with Sarah Larson following her breast enlargement, men are running scared at the prospect of dating a woman with gravity-defying surgically enhanced breasts. So much so that 27% of men say they prefer the boyish figure and flat chest of a Keira Knightley to the over-enhanced curves of Pamela Anderson.

But British singles aren’t completely against all surgical ‘enhancement’, it’s just a matter of less is more. According to PARSHIP.com, 51% of men and 56% of women would not consider dating someone showing obvious evidence of plastic surgery. So while a nose job doesn’t necessarily have to be a date-stopper, an in-yer-face boob job could halve your chances of getting a date.

Dr Nafsika Thalassis, PARSHIP’s singles coach, commented:
“These results show that there is a considerable disparity between what women think men find attractive and the truth of the matter. We are often told that both men and women are spending increasing amounts of money on their appearance but, even though we expect our partners to be well-groomed, it seems that many of us draw the line at dating people with surgical implants. It also raises the question of why so many people opt for plastic surgery. Frequently, women say that they want to increase their breast size in order to improve their own self-confidence rather than because they want to attract men. In reality, however, would they go ahead with the procedure if they knew it was likely to turn off lots of men? After all there is nothing confidence-boosting about having a surgical procedure that makes you less attractive to the opposite sex.”

Bigger-breasted women would do well to go further towards the Arctic Circle where things really look up for DD-plus girls. Of the 6,500 men surveyed in 13 different countries for PARSHIP, the Norwegians proved readiest to embrace the larger breast, with just 1% finding it a turn-off. In neighbouring Sweden, 81% of single men would be happy to see their cup overflow, although – in typically egalitarian fashion – they are also most likely to go for small breasts, with 82% giving flatter contours the thumbs-up. Go West, however, and you’ll find that the Irish are modest in their expectations, with 15% of men saying they would never date a woman with breasts on the larger side.

It’s not all about fleshy appendages with British men, though. A woman’s brain and personality really do matter. Good looks are of course highly valued by the majority of men (52%) but they trail behind other qualities such as: honesty (91%), fidelity (79%), a sense of humour (79%) and intelligence (74%). Great news for honest, funny and bright women of every shape and size.

Christ On A Bike

This is making me feel poorly :(

Kill. Me. Now. Or them. I'm not arsed which just, please, make it stop...

----- Forwarded on 07/10/08 10:59 am -----
"Paul Drury" [Paul.Drury@ideageneration.co.uk] Subject: Cycle Tribes Officially Defined - 2008 Sees Dawn of Credit Crunch Crawler

Hello there,

Please see attached for a press release defining Cycling Tribes. Images and interviews with a Credit Crunch Crawler and other tribe examples are available upon request.

Best,

Paul Drury.

***Embargoed until Wednesday October 8th***
Credit Crunch Crawlers are UK’s Fastest Growing Cycling Tribe

Tribes of Cycling Defined for the First Time
**Cycle 08 takes place at Earls Court, London, on 10-12 October**

The tribes of cycling have been defined for the first time by the experts and exhibitors involved with this week’s Cycle 08 show - taking place at Earls Court from October 9-12 – and it is the new tribe of Credit Crunch Crawlers that is the fastest growing tribe in the country.

From the BMX Bandits of London’s South Bank, to the Off-Road Enthusiasts of the Peak District to the Saturday Shoppers of the Portobello Road Market and all those in between, the report offers a fascinating study into the cycling landscape in the UK today.

However it is the imminent recession and people tightening their belts around the UK that has meant the new tribe of Credit Crunch Crawler is the quickest growing tribe on two wheels, according to the experts organising, attending and exhibiting at Cycle 08 – the UK’s biggest consumer cycle exhibition.

The study found each tribe had clearly defined characteristics – preferred place of shopping, reading material and internet surfing habits - making each tribe unique.

And the study, which was conducted through looking at the demographics of people registering to attend the event and produced by Cycle 08, also reveals which tribes dominate which areas of London, each tribe having a ‘habitat’ it likes to call home.

"Pneumatic monsters" and "Heavy Hors D' oeuvres"

Our friends at Manhattan Media again here. Sometimes you read things that really make you think, "Blimey, Americans are quite different to us, aren't they?" This is definitely one of those things. I have three or four hazy memories of what historians are now referring to as "The Rave Years" and so I remember hyper-inflated claims for parties. But I never remember anyone making a fuss about giant trees or complimentary parking. Maybe I was too busy wondering about flower-strobes and water-cooled PA systems to notice? Someone ought to tell Manhattan Media that a "frightful experience" is a bad thing (especially for $1000) - and why would anyone want a "heavy" hors d'ouvres? As an LiS reader has it:

These things are begining to look like parody. We finally discover why there's never an apostrophe - because of ascii confusion - and, sadly, the attempt at one in 'Frankenstein's' is a real shame. That sentence is odd - they're formally known as Oompa Loompas at Kandyland. Did they get laid off, sorry, sacked? Are they moonlighting? The writer also seems to think that all old buildings are spooky and that Gothic, Tudor and Medieval are all basically the same architectural style. Now that really is scary.

-----Original Message-----
From: Manhattan Media [mailto:manhattanmedia212@gmail.com]
Sent: 03 October 2008 19:16
Subject: Media Alert:: PLAYBOY MANSION EVENT Hes doing it again!!!
Contact: RJ ROMERO of Manhattan Media

NEW YORK CITY
He’s doing it again!!!

NYC Nightlife kingpin JE Englebert is officially announcing his next big event Halloween Night, Friday October 31, 2008 at the Playboy Mansion, Los Angeles California

It will be the single most remarkable Halloween event in the nation….

The Playboy Mansion is the ideal location for this legendary frightful experience. It's a Gothic-Tudor style mansion (medieval castle vibe) sitting on over 5 acres of land with one of the largest private collections of giant trees in the country. This means it's the ultimate spooky mansion where you can trek around the vast grounds all night while running into goblins, ghouls, ghosts and of course the world's most beautiful women letting out shrieks as they cling to your side!

Aside from hiring over 100 actors to run around as creepy creatures, there will also be some of Hollywood's top set designers and scare experts to construct multiple graveyards and an extraordinary haunted house filled with butchers, dead people, skeletons, zombies, mummies, witches, trolls, robotic monsters and mini Frankenstein’s (formerly known as Oompa Loompas @ Kandyland).

Advanced Tickets are now on sale for $1000 which includes admission into one of the scariest haunted houses in the nation, with Pneumatic monsters and ghouls, hand-picked Kandy Girls in sexy costumes, complimentary parking, shuttle to the Playboy Mansion, entertainment, DJ’s, heavy hors d' oeuvres, dinner, dessert and open bar.

Come treat yourself this Halloween to the sickest Halloween party in the country PERIOD! Halloween Night, October 31, 2008! at the Playboy Mansion Los Angeles
California

Have I Got Booze For You?

No I haven't, not anymore, not now "John JE Englebert" has decided that he doesn't want people drinking too much despite the fact that, according to this press release, "In Mr Engleberts clubs alone alcohol drinking is up over 30 percent since the Wall Street crash...". No booze or apostrophes - nice! Make of that what you will. Or, as an LiS reader has it:

I've no idea why Manhattan Media decided I'd be interested in this since all I ever write about on my blog is Liverpool, films and art galleries. Anyway, hey-ho. I should quite like this because it somehow skillfully manages to work in the Perez Hilton holy trinity and excessively describes them as "walking time bombs", whilst miraculously hanging it off Locklear's DWI, though in reality I hate it because it sounds like, at best, a page thirty "exclusive" in the Daily Mail. The sentiment's laudable but it's so sanctimonious. Plus, whoever wrote it can't seem to find the apostrophe on the keyboard.

-----Original Message-----
From: Manhattan Media [mailto:manhattanmedia212@gmail.com]
Sent: 01 October 2008 16:28
Subject: FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE ::: HEATHER LOCKLEAR'S DWI ARREST INSPIRES NEW ORGANIZATION

CONTACT: Jeff Davis
Email: manhattanmedia212@gmail.com

75TH ANNIVERSARY OF END OF PROHIBITION APROACHES

NEW ORGANIZATION IS FORMED NABC "NYC NIGHT CLUBS AGAINST BOTTLE SERVICE"
New York City nightlife entrepreneur and owner John JE Englebert is reaching out to nightclubs and lounges across the Big Apple to put an end to bottle service which contributes to high abuse of alcohol in the city that never sleeps GREAT OPENER.

The recent DWI arrest of actress Heather Locklear has inspired Mr Englebert a former friend of Locklear whom she met in the VIP room of the infamous Club USA decades ago when JE worked for the Peter Gatien empire EH?. Club USA was one of the largest nightclubs in NYC history. This latest arrest with other DWIs in the last year from other stars including Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears are all arrests due to alcohol abuse.

According to JE, celebs and party girls like Lindsay, Britney and Paris are role models for girls all over the world but are becoming walking time bombs BRILLIANT!, drinking excessively at VIP tables in nightclubs, bars and lounges supplied by bottle service. "I care about my customer's health, safety and well being like my own family but no one wants to give up the huge profits and money made by the sale of the bottled spirits. If its HE MEANS "IT'S" in front of you, you will drink it.'

The recent Wall Street meltdown will cause sad times in the financial capital of the world, Manhattan INNIT :(. More alcohol is usually consumed when times are tough. In Mr Engleberts HE MEANS ENGLEBERT'S clubs alone alcohol drinking is up over 30 percent since the Wall Street crash. JE will replace any bottle of alcohol for a liter of Coke, Pepsi or Water HE MEANS "water" free of charge, if he feels the customer has partied too much SO GENEROUS.

CONTACT: Jeff Davis
Email: manhattanmedia212@gmail.com

Englebert is accepting interview requests

Are You "Shot Through With Melancholia"?

I wasn't before, but I am after reading this twaddle. Or, as an LiS reader has it:

Oooh! Slagging 'Chris Fucking Martin' - how bold! That's a controversial position to take because everyone knows stuff is only ever good because other stuff is shit by direct comparison (however tenuous).

Sigh.

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Bill Cummings [soundandvisionpr@googlemail.com]
Date: 2008/10/1
Subject: Matt Finucane releases debut solo EP, and free downloads on 20/10/08

Matt Finucane releases his debut solo EP through Light Crude recordings on the 20th of October 2008. It will be preceded by the free download single, and much talked about IT'S TRUE - WE'VE ALL BEEN BANGING ON ABOUT THAT DOWN, LITERALLY, THE PUB track, 'Kafka Song' released through Sound And Vision downloads. And backed by the equally gratis b-side 'What Comes Next.' HOW CAN YOU "BACK" A DOWNLOAD?

Londoner Matt Finucane writes but his main activity is his music: he's a man with wild visions to share with you. OH, RILLY?

One man with a guitar, rudimentary electronic effects, reverb, distortion and a deep distrust of the traditional singer songwriter tag. His sound is shot through with melancholia, his love of Lou Reed's Berlin (ONE OF THE WORST RECORDS EVER), his attempts to clamber in the head of HE MEANS "INTO THE HEAD OF" literary icons, and the darkness of his late night adventures at the bottom of a bottle MOODY - I LIKE IT!

After lurking on the underbelly of the capital's music scene, he felt like stretching himself seeing if he could do something different with the hackneyed idea of one man and a guitar CLUE: HE CAN'T. Matt doesn't care what you think of him, his work is experimental and uncompromisingly personal TRANS: CRAP but that's what makes his music so addictive. On stage he creates an intense yet hypnotic atmosphere.

A watchable baddy, spilling out dark tales. He's no Chris Fucking Martin IE, SOMEONE WHO WRITES SONGS THAT PEOPLE ACTUALLY LIKE.

The free downloads will expire after six weeks, when Matt's EP will be avaliable HE MEANS "AVAILABLE" on Itunes HE MEANS iTunes.
ENDS

Peet And Duds

Can you "attack back"? How does that work? Have you ever come across a clumsier close to a sentence than, "... after her comments in a recent magazine interview, where she called parents who choose not to vaccinate their children, parasites in an upcoming issue of Spectrum Magazine."? Exactly how big a number is a "thousdand"? If I was the CEO of Autism United I'd be asking "Big Apple Communications" all these questions and, literally, more. As an LiS reader has it:

Seconds out, round two. When I first glanced at this I actually imagined Jenny punching Mandy, for real. Isn't asking people not to rent Saving Silverman or Identity going to hurt Blockbuster more than strike a blow for whatever this is sort of about?

-----Original Message-----
From: Autism United C/O Big Apple Communications [mailto:bigapplecommunications@gmail.com]
Sent: 30 September 2008 13:03
Subject: Actress Jenny McCarthy Takes A Swing At Actress Amanda Peet

contact Sid Schwartz 212-564-4692

ACTRESS AND ADVOCATE JENNY McCARTHY TAKES SWING AT ACTRESS AMANDA PEET AFTER CALLING PARENTS 'PARASITES'

NATIONAL AUTISM ADVOCACY GROUP CALLS FOR BOYCOTT OF PEET'S MOVIES

New York, NY, Jenny McCarthy is attacking back against actress Amanda Peet after her comments in a recent magazine interview, where she called parents who choose not to vaccinate their children, parasites in an upcoming issue of Spectrum Magazine.
Even after Amanda apologized for her comments, Jenny is taking pride in being called a parasite and defending the autism community. In Spectrum's October/ November issue Jenny says, "she has a lot of balls to come forward and be on that side, because there is an angry mob on my side, I like the fact that I can say she's completely wrong.''
Jenny a mother of a recovered autistic child has recently led a rally of thousdands with Jim Carrey in Washington DC, this past summer, calling for the Federal Government to clean vaccines of all toxins and to change a loaded schedule that leads to the cause of autism. There are over 5000 cases of parents suing the government for improper immunization of children.
Doctors across the the nation are going after Jenny McCarthy's crusade. According to Spectrum, The American Association of Pediatrics (AAP) put a nationwide casting call looking for a spokesperson to combat Jenny. Jenny has been gaining world wide media attention fighting against what she deems, unsafe vaccines. Amanda Peet agreed to be a spokesperson for Ever Child By Two (ECBT) because she was concerned about the information circulating throughout Hollywood .
According to Jenny "Until she walks in our shoes she has no idea?? referring to Amanda Peet. She also says that the AAP "sucks".
National Autism Advocacy Group, Autism United, is calling for a boycott of all of Amanda Peet's movies. "We want to send a clear message to her," says Executive Director, John Gilmore. "Our community will not support the continued misinformation that is funneled into the media by organizations like ECBT and the AAP. We are not against vaccines, rather we are for safe vaccines. Until they understand that, we won't back down. Ms. Peet's comments are deplorable and an apology will not suffice. We applaud Jenny McCarthy's continued efforts and for speaking up for our community."