Friday, 26 June 2009

Crime of the Month

If you wanted to move - wholesale - in to the misogyny game, this press release would be a good place to start. Thanks to the LiS operative who sent me this:

Obviously are all parking attendents men, and stupid ones at that.

I read this press release with bemusement, in particular at the generalised sexism it infers, and wondered if the people who conceived and wrote it don't also find it difficult to regulate their thoughts, feelings and actions - when writing press releases, for instance.

NB, the line "towards the taboo subject of women and their periods." Come on, we're not living under the Taliban.

An amazingly stupid piece of misogyny masquerading as Girl Power.

Everyone loses: men look stupid, women look both stupid and conniving, the brand looks misguided, the life coach, director and PR look stupid, conniving and misguided. the only party it's possible to feel sympathetic towards is parking attendants.

I rest my case.


88% women have used having their period as an excuse for getting out of unwanted situations, with 72% using their period as an excuse for getting out of paying parking fines and speeding tickets.

Almost 50% of women surveyed say they feel more scatty "SCATTY" when on their period and therefore liable to make more mistakes. The poll was undertaken by for Moxie feminine hygiene products, where 1,500 men and women were polled about behaviour and attitudes towards the taboo subject of women and their periods.

The same survey revealed that:

Men are still in the dark ages when it comes to women’s periods as 69% of men had very little clue about their partner’s periods, thinking that tampons were available the same as clothes sizes of extra small, small, medium and large OH JESUS.

Mia Klitsas, Director of Moxie, says, “Periods can be troublesome as they are, let alone getting a parking fine at the same time! Moxie is all about making the most of a bad situation, so if we can use our feminine powers to get us out of sticky situations, why not?"

Jessica Chivers, The Thinking Woman's Coach IS THAT LIKE A COACH YOU GO ON A DAY TRIP ON? at says, "embarrassing the parking warden into revoking the ticket with period talk could be a good strategy if they haven't already written the ticket, especially if you flummox (him) with talk of falling oestrogen levels affecting your pre-frontal cortex and your ability to make rational decisions. Joking aside SORRY, DID I MISS THE JOKE? DO YOU WANT TO HAVE ANOTHER RUN UP AT IT?, some women really do find it difficult to regulate their thoughts, feelings and actions when they have their period because of the drop in oestrogen circulating the body." OH RIGHT, THAT EXPLAINS EVERYTHING.

For further information about Moxie go to: or contact Brandnation on 0207 940 ****

Thursday, 18 June 2009

Vile Bodies (Foreign Dept)

This is a great example of a bad idea done badly leading to a deeply bad outcome. French people in Speedos? What's wrong with that, unless, you don't mean French people, but ugly people. Or fat people. Or old people. Or people with one leg and a hairy back. Because there's not much wrong with a young, fit-looking person in a pair of snug-fitting swimmers is there? And "Spanish women in thongs"? Eh? So, Penélope Cruz and, say, Salma Hayek and, like, every nice-looking Spanish woman in the world wearing, y'know, not enough clothes is bad now? Really? Says who? Hey, Yeti PR. What other polls full of unamusingly casual, woefully moronic, spittle-flecked and pointless animosity do you have for us? Thanks to a respected LiS War Lord situated in the field for this:

Equities to exploit when PRing online travel services:

1. Xenophobia
2. Stating the obvious
3. Lies

Begin forwarded message:From: ""
Date: 18 June 2009 10:10:22

A European study has found the Top 5 swimwear blunders of all time and the nation that’s responsible for them! On top came the French in Speedos, closely followed by Germans in the nud! Mankini’s came in third place and more Brits than any other nation admit to having worn a mankini in public!!

I hope you like the release! Please feel free to get in touch if you would like any more information.

Many thanks,

Emma Stockley
Public Relations
10 Yetis Ltd

JUNE 2009
The UK’s fastest growing independent online travel agent can reveal the Top 5 European swimwear faux pas, with the French in Speedos, Spanish women in thongs, Germans in the nude and Brits in mankini’s all reaching the top spots of most disliked swimwear of all time!

There have been hundreds of fashion trends over the years; some which were awful, some which will never be spoken of again, some which are coming back and some that just won’t go away! It seems Speedos fall under the latter and have just been voted as the worst item of swimwear of all time!

A European study of 1,490 holiday-goers from the UK’s fastest growing independent online travel agent has found the list of the Top 5 European Beachwear Blunders and the country that’s responsible for the most eye sores on the beach; the French get the award for the most awful swimwear in Europe.

The research from revealed that Frenchmen were the biggest Speedo bandits, with 1 in 3 admitting they owned a pair. 31% of European respondents thought that Speedos were the worst form of swimwear; making the French the worst fashion victims on the beach!

In second place came the Germans, with 1 in 5 admitting they have gone nude on the beach and more than 20% of European respondents claiming that a middle-aged man playing tennis in his birthday suit is not what they want to see whilst relaxing on holiday.

The list of the Top 5 biggest swimwear blunders were as follows:1) French in Speedos – 31%2) Germans in the nude – 21%3) Brits in Mankini’s –20%4) Spanish senorita’s in thongs – 11%5) Italians in animal print – 8%6) Other – 9%

Chris Brown, Managing Director of said;

“BLAHBLAHBLAH mankini’s!”

Jill Tovey, Head Fashionista FASHIONISHTA! HAHAHAHAHA! from, the UK’s leading celeb style-stealing website talks about the list of Top 5 fashion blunders: “BLAHBLAHBLAH on our beaches yet...!”

Monday, 15 June 2009

Raspberry Nipple

This just in from a newly-minted LiS operative situated deep undercover:

Hello LiS

Just got this through. I must say I agree. I really have questioned why Posh's nipples were quite so HUGE yesterday. But that's because I'm an avid reader of the Mail and it was on their site and I just thought OOH! NIPPLES! I love how the Harley Medical Group take every opportunity to create PR out of everything. But then that's their PR's job. I'm tempted to say something about the nipples sparking a mass debate amongst the UK's male population but, being an esteemed journalist (in my own head), I shall avoid temptation.

Begin forwarded message:

From: "Hannah Walsh" []
Date: 11 June 2009 17:19:18 BST
Subject: Victoria Beckham sparks nipple debate

Sure you’ve probably all seen in the papers today Victoria Beckham was photographed wearing a sheer black top that revealed her protruding nipples NOW I'M INTERESTED. Dr Riccardo Frati, a cosmetic surgeon at The Harley Medical Group comments as follows:

“Patients having Breast Augmentations will often find their nipples will remain erect for a while after surgery OH I SEE, YES though after a time the breasts can ‘relax’ and the nipples will return to their normal state INNIT. It’s not out of the question that to achieve her current shape, Victoria Beckham has had multiple breast augmentations. BUT WE'RE NOT GOING TO SAY FOR DEFINITE, IN CASE WE GET SUED.

On the whole I would not recommend a round, high profile shaped implant to my patients as the result is clearly not natural, with the resulting breasts looking very high on chest. YES, VERY HIGH ON CHEST he says. Most breast augmentation patients are keen to keep things in proportion and opt for lower profile implant which gives breasts a more natural shape.

“There are nipple surgery options out there and a minority of women seek to change the size or shape of their nipples through reconstructive surgery purely for cosmetic reasons. Another option, nipple elevation, involves the nipple being raised above its existing level with to enhance its appearance and make the breast look more pert. Surgery can also reverse the retraction of nipples, which can be a problem for women who want to breast feed but can also improve the shape of the breast.” BRILLIANT

Please get back in touch for breast augmentation case-studies and further professional comment.

Kind regards,


Hannah Walsh
Rain Communications UK - the news generation agency
2 Greycoat Place
London SW1P 1SB

Friday, 5 June 2009

Quick! Fire Up The Email Machine!

Someone you've never heard of has decided to manage someone you've never heard of! This is amazing news! Or, as a newly minted LiS operative located in near a major landmark has it:

Who? What? Why?

------ Forwarded Message
From: Priscilla Granozio []
Date: Wed, 3 Jun 2009 13:26:23 +0100

Please find the press release and image sheet attached for the forthcoming show of work by Charming Baker. Do contact me for further information.

The legendary American music manager Pat Magnarella has decided to sign up this emerging British painter from Kidbrooke in Greenwich, and use his promotional talent to globally launch this artist.

Kind Regards,


Meaning of Everything – a solo show by Charming Baker
The Gallery, BLAH BLAH, London BLAH BLAH
from BLAH – BLAH 2009.

The preview date is BLAH, from 6pm – 11pm

Tuesday, 2 June 2009

Not Gossip

Gossip is a hard business. You need to have details, pictures, times and dates and a sense of purpose. You need to be well-placed (or have well-placed sources). You need to be quick and have nerves of steel. Unfortunately, inane guff about your breakfast routine and woeful "chats" with taxi-drivers just doesn't cut it.

By the way, Zoe, did you actually pay for the website "design"? Really? Only, you know it's sort of the most startlingly unattractive thing imaginable, right?

Still, best of luck with it all, eh!

Thanks to the senior LiS reporter, situated in a smart part of a smart town who sent me this:

"Up to date news" = a shite post about her lollipop lady.


Begin forwarded message:

From: Zoe Griffin []
Date: 2 June 2009 14:37:41 BST
Subject: Gossip Griffin -
To everyone who is bored of the same old celebrity websites,

After two years at the Sunday Mirror, I've launched

It's the only source of up to date news about what's happening on British soils, (unless I get invited to an amazingly cool party abroad). I'm at the heart of the action with a video camera - not only telling you what it is like but showing you.

Please update all mailing lists.

My new emails are and

My mobile is 0771 7*** 394

Send me fabulous things!

Zoe Griffin
0771 7*** 394