Amaze PR, Home Of The Amazing Balls Up

The ridiculousness of this actually makes my head spin. Thanks to the LiS reader situated a long way away on the edge of a desert for sending this in between spa treatments. Click on the image and read at your leisure. If I worked at Amaze PR I'd feel as if I'd really been put In My Place, but A Rush Of Blood To The Head like this one could, I suppose, Fix You in the end. So Viva La Vida!

The Worst PR Idea Of All Time?

"A conga line around Shoreditch"? Are you sure you really want to send that idea out into the world? Didn't your mind just fill with horror when you wrote those words down? This just in from a senior LiS operative situated in the field.

EDIT: I've removed the name of the PR person as they swear blind the "conga line around Shoreditch" wasn't their idea. It is still a godawful piece of "pr".

Dear PR PERSON,what does any of this actually mean? Any of it?

Begin forwarded message:
From: PR PERSON
Date: 20 August 2009
Subject: INVITATION: XO Man 'NOTHIN' TO LAUNCH' Friday 21st Aug

Hi INTERNET PERSON
I'd like to personally invite you to XO Man's I DON'T KNOW WHO THAT IS show this Friday at Sosho Bar. As the reigning Hugo Urban Rules champion I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT IS he's been tipped for big things BY WHO? and this Nothin' to Launch party will be a marked occasion in his career WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? I have a good number of important sites coming down SURE and it would be great to have INTERNET PERSON there too and possibly film IE, PLUG as there will be a host of fun spectacles (LIKE TIMMY MALLET HAD) including a conga line around Shoreditch IT'S OFFICIAL - THE WORST PR IDEA EVAH REVEALED and statue people within the venue *SAYS NOTHING*. It's all in a bid to represent the XO Man brand, which is off the cuff, feel good and pretty wacky KILL ME NOW. In the meantime, take a look at XO Man's humorous promotion video REVIVE ME, THEN KILL ME ALL OVER AGAIN. He's done several festivals over the summer. The video covers his performance at The Big Chill Festival and gives a little insight IT DOESN'T into his quirky sens SHE MEANS SENSE of humour whilst promoting his forthcoming show a must watch WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? Would you like a media pass plus one for Friday? NOT IN A MILLION YEARS.

Best, A PR PERSON

What The World Needs Now Is Blogs, More Blogs

Have you spent much time recently thinking, 'You know what, I can't get enough of blogs, I wish there were more. I wish, particularly, that there was one that did fashion and music and entertainment all in one place so I didn't have to do a simple mouse-click to take me, almost instantly, to the other blog I used to read about fashion and music and entertainment on. That is, until I stopped looking at blogs and moved wholesale onto Twitter, like, six months ago."

Now, I'm all for a spot of enterprise, but, really, launching a blog? Now? Who cares? You know what people don't need? A blog that writes about "everything" from "music to movies, fashion, politics, arts and gossip". Why would I trust you on all those topics?

Surely, the whole point of blogs is you go to your favourite political one, then your favourite gossip one, then your favourite music one ETC because you like the individual voices and passions of those involved. If I wanted a "one-stop shop" I'd buy a newspaper.

And I HATE that weak "journalistic" spasm of going - Blahblahblah intro, Welcome to blahblahblah! It is the shittest thing ever and, for that reason alone, I'm out.

Thanks to the LiS operative situated in a fashionable E-number postcode who sent me this, noting (rather wryly, I thought):

"This looks good"


Begin forwarded message:
From: Archna Sawjani
Date: 17 August 2009 14:39:11 BST
Subject: Welcome to Punchbowlblog.com

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE UK LIFESTYLE BLOG "PUNCHBOWLBLOG"

Music journalist Archna Sawjani, TV Producer Susan Younis and marketing expert Emmanuel Ezugwu deliver a new lifestyle blog that will not only offer exclusive content and news, but provide works from influential journalists worldwide. GREAT! WHERE DO I SIGN?

Blogs have become the leading force in news and beyond I LOVE THIS BIT - IT'S LIKE READING A NEWS STORY FROM 2003! Every day, people visit their favourite blogs for a variety of information - from fashion to the culinary arts AMAZING. However, in the world of entertainment blogs, the UK is frequently underrepresented NO IT ISN'T. Welcome to Punchbowlblog.com. AAAARRGGHHH.

PunchbowlBlog comes from the diverse minds of Susan Younis and Archna Sawjani, who have both worked in the UK media for several years WHICH MEANS YOU WOULD HAVE THOUGHT THEY'D HAVE REALISED THE BLOG-GAME IS UP, BUT NO. After fostering a deep understanding of the blog world and its audiences HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!, as well as a strong clientele, the two teamed up with former marketing co-ordinator for Stella McCartney, Emmanuel Ezugwu to create a blog that will offer everything entertainment aficionados, music and fashion enthusiasts’ desire GOOD LUCK WITH THIS.

From multi-genre mainstream and underground music to movies, fashion, politics, arts and gossip, PunchbowlBlog will be a one-stop shop for news from the UK perspective. The blog will also feature pieces from noted journalists YEAH, as well as traditional blog content including multimedia VIDEO! AMAZING!

"I use a variety of blogs daily for work purposes, but I noticed that the majority of respectable blogs were American," explains Younis THIS BIT IS BULLSHIT. "There didn't seem to be any reliable UK based mainstream blog sites ALSO BULLSHIT. So we decided to set up PunchbowlBlog - a blog that is both trend setting & delivers worldwide exclusives in music & showbiz." GOOD LUCK WITH THIS TOO.

"There are so many blogs on the web skewed toward specific audiences," continues Sawjani YES, THAT'S THE POINT OF THEM. "However, PunchbowlBlog will offer a variety of information, as well as a sharp journalist perspective RIGHT. Being a writer for several years, it's important to me that we maintain journalistic integrity within a blog setting." HAHAHAHAHA! AMAZING!

“The thing that was most important to me when getting involved in this exciting new project was being able to bridge the gap between a variety of genre’s as no one culture defines us,” says Ezugwu. YAWNARAMA.

“We write about things that interest us and having worked with Archna and Susan, I jumped at the opportunity to get involved”. Susan Younis is a Television producer at MTV. After taking on an internship at MTV in Los Angeles, she returned to London and secured a full-time job with MTV UK onTRL. GREAT.

TEDIOUS BIT ALERT: Now working on MTV BASE as a producer / director, Younis has worked on shows ranging from "The Lick", "MTV's Greatest Album Ever" and "Backstage at the MTV Europe Music Awards". She has interviewed the elite of the music and entertainment world.

Archna Sawjani began her career in journalism younger than most, when she took an assignment with RWD Magazine that ultimately began her career of writing I HOPE TO GOD SHE DIDN'T WRITE THIS SENTENCE. Archna has interviewed some of the most prolific artists worldwide OR THIS ONE. Her work can be found in a wide variety of publications including; The Guardian, The London Paper, Daily Mirror, OK Magazine, New Magazine and The Sun amongst others OR THIS ONE. When her ear isn’t to the streets and writing about it, she is a part-time PR maven working wide SHE MEANS "WITH" a wide variety of affluent brands OR, INDEED, THIS ONE.

Emmanuel Ezugwu started interning at leading London radio station, Choice FM before he started writing for RWD Magazine where he remains a staff writer. Having scribed for a number of publications including, The Guardian, and various “woman’s weeklies“, he began his move into fashion. As well as styling celebrity shoots, he has worked his pr ARCHNA WAS A "PR" WHY IS EMMANUEL ONLY A "pr"? and marketing skills for companies like OH CHRIST WOTEVA.

Pooper Trouper

Here is some next-level PR genius. Who could fail to be impressed by this?

Dear LiS. I have absolutely no f***ing idea what this is about.

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: xo kaytea [kaytea@xopublicity.com]
Date: Fri, Aug 14, 2009 at 1:24 AM
Subject: Wondering why xo sent a POOP BAG with NAME DELETED "TITLE DELETED"

Soooooooo ***** have you figured out why I sent you a poop bag? IS IT BECAUSE YOUR RECORD AND YOUR PR "CAMPAIGN" IS SHIT?

It’s so you can get rid of crap AND save all your time for the disc you got …. NAME DELETED "TITLE DELETED"

http://www.namedeleted.com/(grab bio, pics, whole disc here)

Thoughts? It drops oct 28th.

Not feeling like expatiating today! WHAT ARE YOU ON ABOUT NOW?

xo-kaytea
www.xopublicity.com
http://xopublicity.blogspot.com/
http://twitter.com/xopublicity
(503) 281.xoxo office
(503) 539.7691 mobile
kaytea@xopublicity.com

Net Result? Failure.

This just in from a newly-minted LiS operative situated in a high-rise somewhere agreeable.

Here is a fantastic story about net curtains that can laugh, music hall humour and how a bit of nylon can halt the British "crimewave". I will be using it as a double page spread and have already sold versions of it to the Daily Mail, Vogue and The LA Times. Naturally, I took this poor PR wonk up on the offer to speak to someone in more detail about it.

Brazen, indeed.

Yours,

A Grateful and Overworked Hack Whose Job is Made Easier by the Receipt of Such Crap

----- Forwarded Message
FROM: emmat@brazenpr.com
Subject: Net curtains lead fight back against burglars - British public respond to national burglary increase

Hi there,

Thought I would whizz this quirky "QUIRKY" news story past you...

I have pasted a press release about how net curtains are helping prevent burglaries below. OH BRILLIANT, THANKS!

Please let me know if you need more info or would like to chat to anyone in more detail.

I hope it is of interest

Kind regards

Emma

BRITS RETURN TO NET CURTAINS TO STOP BURGLARS - BRITISH PUBLIC RESPOND TO NATIONAL BURGLARY INCREASE

BRITS are fighting back to beat the burglars. Forget barbed wire or guard dogs, the latest low-tech safety device is a pair of net curtains. AMAZING START - KEEP GOING!

The Conservative Party has reported an increase in domestic burglaries for the first time in six years. This coincides with an increase in sales of net curtains and Dr. Beckmann’s Net Curtain Whitener over the last 12 months. DOESN'T THIS MEAN THAT NET CURTAINS MAKE BURGLARY MORE LIKELY?

It seems that the streets which house the most ‘Net Curtain Nellies’ (people with a propensity for nosying on neighbours from behind their net curtains) are some of the safest in the UK, claims laundry care specialist Dr. Beckmann and Rightmove, the UK’s most popular property website. UTTER BOLLOCKS - I LIKE IT!

The net curtain may not be the must-have Noughties domestic fashion accessory and has long been the butt of music hall jokes I LOVE MUSIC HALL, DON'T YOU? I'M SO GLAD THEY DIDN'T ALL SHUT DOWN HALF A CENTURY AGO but it seems the old fashioned British institution may now be having the last laugh.

Miles Shipside, commercial director at Rightmove said: “I AM A BORING MAN.”

Steven Simpson, spokesman for Dr. Beckmann, said: “I AM ALSO A BORING MAN."

Net curtain whitener is a wash in wash out product that works in the washing machine or by hand. The scientifically advanced formulation COME ON HOUSEWIVES, GET WITH IT! treats your nets with a long lasting and unbeatable finish restoring your nets to their original super whiteness. DEAR EMMA, DO YOU WANT TO KILL YOURSELF YET?

- ENDS -

For further information, images or samples please contact the Dr. Beckmann Press Office Team at Brazen. Katie Medd, Emma Trimble or Louise Jacobson

Stupid Things Idiots In Bad Bands Say