Net Result? Failure.

This just in from a newly-minted LiS operative situated in a high-rise somewhere agreeable.

Here is a fantastic story about net curtains that can laugh, music hall humour and how a bit of nylon can halt the British "crimewave". I will be using it as a double page spread and have already sold versions of it to the Daily Mail, Vogue and The LA Times. Naturally, I took this poor PR wonk up on the offer to speak to someone in more detail about it.

Brazen, indeed.

Yours,

A Grateful and Overworked Hack Whose Job is Made Easier by the Receipt of Such Crap

----- Forwarded Message
FROM: emmat@brazenpr.com
Subject: Net curtains lead fight back against burglars - British public respond to national burglary increase

Hi there,

Thought I would whizz this quirky "QUIRKY" news story past you...

I have pasted a press release about how net curtains are helping prevent burglaries below. OH BRILLIANT, THANKS!

Please let me know if you need more info or would like to chat to anyone in more detail.

I hope it is of interest

Kind regards

Emma

BRITS RETURN TO NET CURTAINS TO STOP BURGLARS - BRITISH PUBLIC RESPOND TO NATIONAL BURGLARY INCREASE

BRITS are fighting back to beat the burglars. Forget barbed wire or guard dogs, the latest low-tech safety device is a pair of net curtains. AMAZING START - KEEP GOING!

The Conservative Party has reported an increase in domestic burglaries for the first time in six years. This coincides with an increase in sales of net curtains and Dr. Beckmann’s Net Curtain Whitener over the last 12 months. DOESN'T THIS MEAN THAT NET CURTAINS MAKE BURGLARY MORE LIKELY?

It seems that the streets which house the most ‘Net Curtain Nellies’ (people with a propensity for nosying on neighbours from behind their net curtains) are some of the safest in the UK, claims laundry care specialist Dr. Beckmann and Rightmove, the UK’s most popular property website. UTTER BOLLOCKS - I LIKE IT!

The net curtain may not be the must-have Noughties domestic fashion accessory and has long been the butt of music hall jokes I LOVE MUSIC HALL, DON'T YOU? I'M SO GLAD THEY DIDN'T ALL SHUT DOWN HALF A CENTURY AGO but it seems the old fashioned British institution may now be having the last laugh.

Miles Shipside, commercial director at Rightmove said: “I AM A BORING MAN.”

Steven Simpson, spokesman for Dr. Beckmann, said: “I AM ALSO A BORING MAN."

Net curtain whitener is a wash in wash out product that works in the washing machine or by hand. The scientifically advanced formulation COME ON HOUSEWIVES, GET WITH IT! treats your nets with a long lasting and unbeatable finish restoring your nets to their original super whiteness. DEAR EMMA, DO YOU WANT TO KILL YOURSELF YET?

- ENDS -

For further information, images or samples please contact the Dr. Beckmann Press Office Team at Brazen. Katie Medd, Emma Trimble or Louise Jacobson