They lost me at "Fans go wild"...
From: "Eleanor" [firstname.lastname@example.org]
SUBJECT: WORLD EXCLUSIVE: FANS GO WILD AS PETER ANDRE AND MUTYA BUENA ANNOUNCE THAT THEY WILL PERFORM ‘UNCONDITIONAL’ FOR THE FIRST TIME TOGETHER AT BORN FREE’S WILD & LIVE
7.30pm SATURDAY 14th NOVEMBER 2009, ROYAL ALBERT HALL
Fans of Peter Andre and ex Sugababe Mutya Buena CAN SOMEONE RESERVE EIGHT SEATS NOW PLEASE will get a unique opportunity to see the two stars "STARS" perform together for the first time in public; at Born Free’s star studded WILD & LIVE at the Royal Albert Hall. Their one-off appearance will set the show alight I WOULD RATHER BE SET ALIGHT THAN SUFFER EVEN ONE SECOND OF THESE TWO BOW-LEGGED, ARSE-FACED, WALL-EYED, CROW-FOOTED, MOUTH-BREATHING, NOSE-PICKING, WASHED-UP SQUAWKERS with a version of Peter’s new single ‘Unconditional’, tipped to be No 1 when it is released next week. AMAZING (IE, NOT AMAZING).
Following Pete’s announcement on Facebook FACEBOOK! BRILLIANT! that he was scheduled to perform at WILD & LIVE in advance of his ‘Revelation Tour’ in 2010, the Born Free offices were inundated by calls from excited fans. SID AND DORIS BONKERS, CALLING FROM NEASDEN ON BEHALF OF THEIR GOD-DAUGHTER, CANAPE (CURRENTLY ON LOCK-DOWN *SAD FACE*).
At the eagerly anticipated WILD & LIVE both Pete and Mutya will perform several of their chart hits THAT'LL BE GOOD before joining together for ‘Unconditional’.
Mutya was in the original chart topping Sugababe line up and the band went on to become one of the most successful UK girl bands in British history, with four platinum selling albums, six number one singles, a BRIT-Award as well as a platinum-selling greatest hits album. THEN SHE LEFT AND HER CAREER DIED LIKE A LOUSE IN A RUSSIAN'S BEARD, REMEMBER THAT BIT?
Peter is now a much loved household name OH DO FACK OFF with a huge and loyal fan base YEAH. He has achieved 8 top 5 singles in the UK alone, including four number 1s. His new single GET ON WITH IT...
WILD & LIVE takes place at the Royal Albert Hall on Saturday 14th November at 7:30pm where Peter and Mutya will be joined by an international line-up of top stars from the world of music and entertainment. Including THIS IS THE REALLY GOOD BIT
Bryan Adams (OK, STAR), Martin Clunes (MORE OF A TWAT THAN A STAR, TBH), Beverley Craven (HAHAHAHAHA), Karen Hardy (WHO SHE?) and Mark Ramprakash (WHO HE?), Gabriella Cilmi (NOT A STAR), Kiki Dee (HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA) and Carmelo Luggeri (WHO HE?), Rolf Harris (STAR), Tony Mortimer (HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA), Robert Wells (WHO HE?), Fuse (WHO THEY?), African Drummers (WHAT, ALL OF THEM?), Fire Poet (EH?), Inspire Choir (WHO?), Nick Knowles (COCK-END), Donal and Ameera MacIntyre (COCK-ENDS), John Altman (THEY MEAN NICK COTTON), Michael McKell (WHO HE?), Gary Webster (WHO HE?) and Wendy Turner (WHO SHE?), Rula Lenska (AMAZING), Anneka Rice (NOT AMAZING), Catriona Wiles (WHO SHE?) and Partner (WHO?) Virginia McKenna (DESERVES HIGHER BILLING), Joanna Lumley (DESERVES MUCH HIGHER BILLING), Graham Norton (TWAT), Lady Victoria Hervey (HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA), Helen Worth (THEY MEAN GAIL TILSLEY), Mark Austin (WHO HE?).
Marking the 25th Anniversary of the Born Free Foundation, funds raised from the concert will help save the lives of over 25,000 animals in the wild and alleviate the suffering of animals in captivity, including many threatened and endangered species OH NEVER MIND ABOUT ALL THAT SHIT, WHEN'S NICK COTTON ON?).
A special range of WILD & LIVE merchandise has been produced including specially designed T.Shirts and ribbons and with profits from the sale of each item going to save the OH WOTEVA...
Saturday, 7 November 2009
Andre And Buena: Together At Last!
Sometimes I feel sorry for a PR who is, y'know, trying their best, but just doesn't have the skills to get one past a magnificently unforgiving newspaper professional...