Friday, 29 January 2010

WARNING: Post Contains Worst Opening Sentence To A Press Release Ever Written

Can we just sit back for a minute and think about the opening sentence to this press release?

Imagine if you will that your job is to promote some utter bullshit about pyjamas or something. I know it's soul-sapping work, but just how fatally bored by, contemptuous of and uninspired by the whole affair would you have to be to start your piece, "Didn't you know... Sleep is the new black!"

Sleep is the new black? Is there a journalist in the world who wouldn't have just deleted that on sight? What was the point in you writing it? Why would anybody read that? Who in their right mind, after reading that, is going to give you or the half-arsed product you're attempting to flog a single extra second of their time when even you are bored by it and you're, presumably, getting paid to make it sound interesting?

PRs - this is why journalists hate being spammed. However much you try and make your press releases "fun" and "chatty" this is the sort of badly written, achingly silly balls (written by someone who calls themsleves a "PR Executive", no less) we always seem to end up with. Thanks to an LiS operative situated in Australia for sending this in.

Hi there LiS. Thought you would love "Launch Initiative" even more than I do, so I have attached a recent piece of crap they sent me. Sadly, they don't seem to understand the emails I send them that say UNSUBSCRIBE or PLEASE TAKE ME OFF YOUR LIST or even F*CK OFF.

Media Release AMAZING

Didn't you know...Sleep is the new black! *DELETES*

From the innovators of Launch Initiative Fashion somes SHE MEANS "COMES" a brand new concept Launch Sleep EH?. For designers looking to expand their portfolio to include sleepwear or graphic design, or even better...both, look to SHE MEANS "NO" further. DO YOU WANT TO HAVE ANOTHER TRY AT THIS SENTENCE?

Launch Initiative Sleep enables fashion designers and graphic designers to try their hand at designing pyjamas and graphic prints for pyjama fabrics GREAT - WHAT A BRILLIANT OPPORTUNITY. This is a hugely valuable, not to mention exciting- WHAT'S GOING ON HERE? opportunity to try your hand at graphic design.

Have you been wanting a pair of wide-legged tie-dyed and studded pyjama pants! HAVE A GUESS. IF YOU GUESSED ANYONE IN THE WORLD SAID, "YES!" TRY AGAIN Well now you can have them thanks to Launch Sleep.

Launch Sleep is starting with a standard sleepwear pattern and is looking for designers to construct a print story ARSE STORY for the collection.

Each month Launch Sleep will be offering more opportunities through the Initiative THE WHAT? to include opportunities to design sleepwear separates and accessories. You could be the very next Peter Alexander WHO HE?

The idea with Launch Sleep is similar to Launch Fashion, where all the designs are submitted for BLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAH.

The winning designer gets $500 cash, plus BLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAH.

To become a designer with Launch Sleep you need to BLAHBLAH 'ask an expert' page and receive huge BLAHBLAHBLAH store.

To become apart of this incredible program, or if you jast SHE MEANS "JUST" want to find out more about it, go to, there are limited positions available OH YEAH, I FACKING BET THEY ARE, so wake up, sign up and start your career now! FUNNILY ENOUGH I KNOW SOMEONE WHO NEEDS A NEW CAREER

Lia-Belle King

Marketing/PR Executive

Launch Initiative

Unit 10, 34-36 Ralph St

Alexandria, NSW, 2015

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