Friday, 30 January 2009

Needs / Must

Have you taken care of your basic needs today? Eating, perhaps a glass of water, maybe a quick trip to the lavatory? Oh, and a five-star mini-break with kid's club, whirlpool bath, Aveda spa and Michelin-rated chef, natch. This just in from one of our most senior reporters:

Tell me this. Do people really have leisure "needs"?

Begin forwarded message:
From: "Lewis Miles" []
Date: 28 January 2009 10:52:04 GMT
Subject: New Data Reveals Recession is Changing British Leisure, Travel and Wellbeing needs

Please find below a media alert MEDIA ALERT! MEDIA ALERT! on a comprehensive new report into British Leisure, Travel and Wellbeing needs between December 2007 and December 2008, being launched on Monday 2nd Feb. I CANNOT WAIT!

For a full copy of the report, please contact blahblahblahblahblah...

New Data Reveals Recession is Changing British Leisure, Travel and Wellbeing needs
LONDON, 2nd February 2009 - TODAY Directory Enquiries service, BLAHBLAH, has released new call statistics for major lifestyle categories that reveal a serious shift in priorities and needs comparing December 2008 with December 2007. The report provides fresh evidence of the emerging recession, and how it is changing the outlook of a nation.

Example report findings
Calls for drinks deliveries to homes rise 66% and satellite TV installation 462% as staying in wins over going out.
* The crunch is shaping our national eating habits - only pizza delivery rises significantly (22%) as other restaurants and takeaways fall
* Enquiries for motorhomes grows 121% as Britons reveal their domestic UK holiday preferences
* Calls for masseurs rocketed by 80% as Britons seek hands-on stress relief HHRRRNNNKKKK - I BET THEY BLOODY DO MADAM
The report draws on the UK’s largest directory database of over 20 million calls received by BLAHBLAH in the two months, categorised by business or service category.

The call data covers all major British lifestyle areas, focusing on substantial OH JUST KILL ME NOW AND BE DONE WITH IT :(

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