Friday, 24 April 2009

I Feel Almost Sorry For Him. Almost.

I think this might be the most tragic, pointless email of all time. The precious seconds of Clive's life are ticking away and he's sat at his desk in Cannock tip-tapping on his 4-year-old Dell banging out this crap for, what?, 30 grand a year? Might this be the moment to resurrect the phrase, Kill Me Now? Thanks to a senior LiS reporter in the field for this heart-breaking amazingness.

How Not To Do PR Masterclass No. 45,983:

Clive "hopes this is of interest". The pathos of it all, it's like a Greek tragedy.

Begin forwarded message:
From: "" []
Subject: Dunlop to reveal Mini owners’ secrets


kind regards

Have you ever owned a mini? Did you give it a name? Would it have a story to tell?
The mini is 50 this year and the organisers of the Dunlop Great & British Motorsport Festival are looking for some Mini stories, just out of curiosity - perhaps you have one yourself?

We've opened up the subject online and have already had some interesting names!

A Northumberland man has already told us that his 3 year old daughter calls his mini 'Rusty Toilet'. Asked why he said that they've made up a song about it to the tune of twinkle twinkle little star...

Twinkle twinkle chocolate bar, Daddy drives a rusty car. Pull the handle, pull the choke, off we go with a puff of smoke. Twinkle twinkle chocolate bar, Daddy drives a rusty car!

I hope this is of interest - and naturally, if you'd like to come along to the event at Rockingham we'll be happy to put you on the Press Guest List.


Dunlop reveals mini owners’ secrets
The Mini celebrates its BORING...

Dunlop Motorsport’s Communications Manager James Bailey said; “BORING.”

Bailey, who has admitted to BORING.

“When we were planning the BORING.”

Jayne Ward from Staffordshire was one of the first to tell all on Dunlop’s ‘driversknow’ website. She said; “BORING.”

The first Dunlop Great & British Motorsport Festival of the season is BORING.


Clive Reeves
PR Director

t.01543 501111 f.0871 715 1812 m.07786 735010
Virtual press office
Ward Lovett | Morston Court | Kingswood Lakeside | Cannock | WS11 8JB


Dave the Flack said...

The most interesting thing about this press release is that the Jayne Ward from Staffordshire quoted bears a curiously similar surname to the agency pimping this crap. Hmmm...

Steve said...

My daughter learnt that very version of 'Twinkle Twinkle' at her nursery- I believe it's on the National Pre-School Curriculum these days. Outwitted by a toddler and shamelessly quoting themselves- this is a landmark in half-hearted PR bollocks.

lethalbuzzle said...

I'd kill that guy for 30 grand a year. It's more than I make and I used to be, like, a proper journalist or something.


lethalbuzzle said...

(I mean, I would gladly have his job. I would need more than 30k to actually pop a cap in someone's ass.)

Dave the Flack said...

A recent study* found that, on average, PR directors were paid an annual salary of £53,776.