Wednesday, 15 April 2009

When The Chips Are Down...

... Take up a hellish, corporate cash-pile to say "Yay" or "Nay" to some bullshit, sub-sub-sub-Hoxton art-wankery brought to you by Wrigleys. Yes, Wrigleys, the chewing gum people. We have reached a stage in our development where the people who make the single most useless, disposable product imaginable are telling us who is "cool" and who, by the same token, isn't. Does that make you want to be dead a little bit more than you did before? It certainly does for this LiS reporter situated in postcode where I once met Girls Aloud. True story.

Hello LiS. This is a disastrous corporate tie-up in which the Wrigley company has tried to make chewing gum "cool" by giving a briefcase of crisp tenners to "style" magazine Vice and last year's electropop favourites, Hot Chip. The end result is everyone looks grubby.

My favourite quote:
"...let Hot Chip, whose name alone suitably conjures up touch and taste, decide whether you’ll be supporting them on the night." And then there's the whole "Sense5" conceit. Oh Jesus...

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Cherrill, Tom (LDN-GHI) []
Subject: Hot Chip join VICE in the search for groundbreaking talent to curate Creating Sense5

Musician, Mixologist, Designer, Artist, DJ or Photographer?

VICE magazine, known as ‘the coolest in the world’ HAHAHAHAHAHA!, has today launched a competition to find five creative talents for The Creating Sense5 party – with award winning band Hot Chip selecting the winning talent and curating the gig.

To mark the arrival of 5, VICE are looking for creative genius in any form including mixologists, designers, photographers, artists – anything, like the gum PRODUCT PLUG!, that intrigues and exhilarates the senses.

Enter the competition and you could be (TRANS: WON'T BE) personally chosen by Hot Chip and other optimally attuned BRILLIANT experts, to show off your talent at an exclusive event on the 4th of June. Creating Sense5 will be a launch packed full of exactly the right people who should see it; Hot Chip, VICE, the media (TRANS: DRUNKS), and a sensorially inquisitive crowd.

5 takes inspiration from the human senses and so the competition hopes to uncover creative talent that can cleverly stimulate them with flair, imagination and individuality RIGHT.

And if you’re in a band, are a mixing marvel or a lone-vocalist enter now and let Hot Chip, whose name alone suitably conjures up touch and taste, decide whether you’ll be supporting them on the night. Hot Chip will be performing a very special DJ Set and they’ve even invited some special guests to appear as well (to be revealed TRANS: THEY HAVEN'T EVEN THOUGHT ABOUT IT YET).

So what’s your idea for the event? Do you want to build a pitch-black Velcro cocoon to explore touch? NO! THAT WOULD BE AWFUL! Go for it! Do you have an oyster and pea ice-cream recipe? NO! THAT WOULD BE AWFUL! Let’s taste it! Do you want to compose a digital-punk sound experience with lasers? NO! THAT WOULD BE AWFUL! Let’s hear it!

Alongside Hot Chip, VICE has secured an incredible line up of optimally attuned experts OH, SHUT UP WITH THIS CRAP to sit on the Creating Sense5 panel and turn on their titillated nerve endings EH? to judge your work. From award winning video director to a duo who make cocktails out of architecture, the panel selecting the winners are Bompas and Parr WHO? (smell), Nova Dando WHO? (touch), Kinga Burza LIKE BURGER KING? (sight), Rachel Edward Stuart WHO? (taste) and of course Hot Chip (sound). The five winners will be given a huge promotional leg-up as they show off their creations and skills at the coolest event of the year THAT'S SPONSORED BY THE PEOPLE WHO MAKE CHEWING GUM.

The first 15 entries will also receive free tickets to Creating Sense5, and if you have no such talents but want to come along to see Hot Chip, and bask in the sensorial melting pot SHUT UP ALREADY they will be curating with VICE and 5, there are loads of tickets up for grabs too.

So what’s 5 all about? The new premium gum PREMIUM GUM! from Wrigley takes inspiration from the five human senses and, through its unique mouth-watering and long-lasting flavours, delivers a full and intriguing sensorial experience I HOPE THEY'RE PAYING YOU WELL FOR THIS CRAP. 5 gum distinguishes itself from other brands with its unique sleek black design, minimalist pack style and bold communications HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! *breathes* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!, and will be introduced in three flavours from June: a cooling peppermint flavour COBALT™, a crisp tropical flavour PULSE™ and a tingling spearmint flavour ELECTRO™ GREAT NAMES!


1 comment:

lethalbuzzle said...



By the way the captcha for this comment is 'chaningy'. I think we should adopt this as a zingy, sexy, on-trend multi-adaptable adjective.