The "Post-Mercury Demise Queen" Conundrum

However long this person spends trying to avoid the issue, the truth remains that Queen without Freddie Mercury (or, 'Freddie Mercury' as he appears here, for some reason) isn't really Queen at all. But how many ways can he find to fudge the issue? Or, as a reader has it:

If anything can be said to scream, 'Please give it up, granddad,' then it's this...

“THE COSMOS ROCKS”
QUEEN + PAUL RODGERS FIRST STUDIO ALBUM
EMI/Parlophone Release September 15

“Our teachers were The Beatles, Jimi Hendrix, blues & soul…”

The first thing you notice about The Cosmos Rocks, the much anticipated first album from rock legends Queen + Paul Rodgers is “all tracks written by Queen and Paul Rodgers”…”produced and performed by Brian May, Paul Rodgers and Roger Taylor” (indicating that between them they played all instruments, including bass - Paul and Brian swapping duties - in case you were going to ask NO ONE WAS, NOT EVER). This is obviously not a case of Rodgers lightly stepping in to fill a vocal gap, as some might have been drawn to assume would be the case when the three of them got into the studio together.

No, this is a full bodied, group endeavour: May, Rodgers and Taylor in a totally democratic union, even down to equally sharing the credits. The album’s dedication to legendary Queen front man ‘Freddie Mercury,’ (you’ll also see thanks credits to John Deacon and Paul Kossoff) shows the band mates still feel his presence strongly enough to dedicate this entirely new work to him, nearly 13 years on from Queen’s last studio album. You also wonder how Rodgers who takes control as main vocalist on all thirteen tracks here feels about his work being dedicated to the man whose fans still worship at the altar WORSHIP AT THE ALTAR! AMAZING! of the pre-Mercury demise Queen HE MEANS QUEEN.

But then thinking about it, it doesn’t seem quite so strange. Brian May and Roger Taylor have, after all, never shied from acknowledging the mighty presence Mercury provided to the band on stage and the wonders of his extraordinary creativity in the studio. Mostly, they acknowledge how even today, they still miss ‘dear Fred' I CAN'T STAND ANYMORE

My Domestic Appliance Joy

Call me a cynical old goat, but I just don't believe that anyone can honestly say that they're "excited" about punting stories about pastel-coloured fridges (especially when those pastel-coloured fridges are a good four or five years past their fashionable "peak"). Still, you have to admire Publicasity's shamelessness. Or, as a reader has it:

Impressive. And from a "brand alchemist" no less...

Begin forwarded message:

From: "Estelle Boon" [eboon@publicasity.co.uk]
Date: 13 August 2008 14:43:50 BDT
Subject: Smeg - New PR account at Publicasity

Hello,

Publicasity is pleased to inform you that we are now handling the PR account for Smeg, the Italian domestic appliance manufacturer. Obviously we are very excited about working with such an iconic brand, which effortlessly marries style with technology, and will be getting in touch shortly with all the latest news from Smeg. Please see below our contact details should you require any product information and/ or imagery.

Speak soon!

The Smeg Team at Publicasity
(Estelle, Elle, Julie)

Estelle Boon - Brand Alchemist

An Object Lesson In Badness

The following is precisely the sort of press release that inspired this blog in the first place. Some PR is awful because the person can't spell, some because they can't use basic grammar, some because they're clearly writing about something they don't like or have little or no understanding of. Then there's PR that's awful because it's merely a string of bruisingly tired cliches strung together to fill up a page. This is one of them. From the opening quote ("heads down, sweat-soaked stuff" - great!), through the crapola about blurring musical boundaries - uh-huh - to the use of long-outlawed words like "blitzkrieg" and, heaven help us, "sophomore" - hello? can you open the drapes and get those diapers off my faucet - this delivers again and again and again. Or, as a reader from London's South Bank has it:

This has got to be a joke, right? When I looked on my calender this morning it was 2008, yet I've just received this and, apparently, it's still OK to use phrases like, "Hard to define and certainly hard to ignore" when, as Hyper and his pals are, unfortunately, about to realise, this album will actually be incredibly easy to ignore.

------ Forwarded Message
From: nix [nix@phuturetrax.co.uk]
Date: Wed, 13 Aug 2008 16:55:07 +0100
Subject: Hyper - the new album "Suicide Tuesday"

HYPER “SUICIDE TUESDAY”

“There's more than a tinge of the rock and industrial to a lot of the material here...This isn't preening music for the beautiful people, this is heads-down sweat-soaked stuff for people who dance hard until the lights come up and the bouncers shove them out of the venue “

Distorting and blurring the musical boundaries, Hyper unleash their dark and satirically-named new album, 'Suicide Tuesday' on Kilowatt Recordings in September 2008. Already creating a stir around the first single, “Centre Attraction”, the second album entitled 'Suicide Tuesday' throbs with punk energy, razor-sharp guitars and bass, and their trademark mashed up beats. Creating their own blitzkrieg electronic sound unlike anything else out there; Hyper's sophomore album is the 'night after the day before' companion to their ground breaking debut album. If Crass and the Pistols had the tech know-how and ended up in a transit van with a French electro sound and Pendulum's stadium beats you'd be close with a bloody nose.

This new rawer sound Hyper have unlocked since their initial success with their first album, “We Control” has been turning heads with the opening single cut, “Centre Attraction”; which has already been snapped up for “CSI Miami”. With remixes from South Central and newbies GeRM, the package is a great appetite wetter for the long player. Elsewhere on the album you find cameos from diverse quarters. Charlotte from indie rock darlings THE SUBWAYS provides vocals on the self assured “I'm an Image” whilst longtime collaborator Leeroy Thornhill (Ex Prodigy) adds the rave to the punk on energy driven standouts such “Let Me In” and “Touch”. Elsewhere on the record you find West Coast American punk rock energies (“It's Sick”) with a slick samples and vocal delivery from new jaw-dropping live vocalist Axe-Girl, and Direct Electro Noise mongering (“Jabba”). Jim Davies' (Prodigy/Pitchshifter) guitar playing again stands out and it's his vocal on debut single “Centre Attraction” which chews over the cult of celebrity before stabbing it directly through the heart. Easy listening this is not. Even when Hyper brings it down a notch (“Deteriorate”) there's always a sense of the suspense.

Already tracks from the record have ended up on key TV shows such as Ugly Betty (Replica), CSI:NY (Centre Attraction) & Sony Playstation games, it appears the record has a wide reaching appeal. Hard to define and certainly hard to ignore, with 'Suicide Tuesday' the band have an album which grabs you by the balls and gets you out of your seat.

Hair-larious

Finally! An answer the question that has been endlessly asked in homes up and down this proud land. Namely, how can I care for my family's hair without breaking the bank? Because, let's be honest, shampoo is one of the major expenditures in all our lives, right? I mean, it's got to be, ooh, three quid a month or something? Thank God then for Anais Roc at Focus PR and this timely announcement from Vosene. A regular LiS contributor forwarded this, noting:

No doubt the CEO of Citigroup (writedowns totalling $56bn) will be reassured by news from this venerable FMCG haircare brand.

Duh.

-----Begin forwarded message:
From: "Anais Roc" [Anais@focuspr.co.uk]
Date: 11 August 2008 14:10:20 BDT
Cc: "Vosene" [vosene@focuspr.co.uk]
Subject: Beat the credit crunch with Vosene

Left Hand, Meet Right Hand

If you're going to, potentially, award something to someone then, you know what, just have a quick ring around and see if they're up for it. It's not rocket science, is is it? Anyway, full marks to Vodafone here for this calamitous silliness. And if James really are the winners of the Best Live Return award then, please, can we all just pack up and go home? Or, as a reader from a respected media outlet has it:

You probably received this. Hilarious.

-----Forwarded 11-8-2008 09:27 -----

To: Tony Harding
Date: 7-8-2008 18:09
Subject: "Iron Maiden today advised that they do not wish to be featured in this year's Vodafone Live Music Awards category for Best Live Return"

Iron Maiden today advised that they do not wish to be featured in this year's Vodafone Live Music Awards category for Best Live Return. Although nominated in this year's category for Best Live Return following their triumphant recent show at Twickenham Stadium, they felt that since they have always toured regularly throughout their careers it would not be at all appropriate for them to be included for an award for a Best Live Return.

Vodafone spokesperson commented "We respect and support the band's decision and have complied with their request to be removed from this year's shortlist. We are also extremely pleased to announce that James will be replacing them in the category of Best Live Return”.

Tony Harding
Digital Comms Executive

Snow Patrol: Idiots

For once, here's a band making a hash of their own PR. Poor old Katherine at Purple has to send this out with her own name on it, presumably while trying to blank out the image of a tearful Gary Snow Patrol engaging himself in some vigorously apologetic love. Or, as a reader from a globally respected media outlet has it:

Oh dear. My world is shattered. Snow Patrol really are a bunch of insufferable nobs, aren't they?

----- Forwarded Message
From: Katherine: [katherine@purplepr.com>]
Subject: SNOWPATROL STATEMENT

"Hello everyone
Well, in this world of instant coffee, news, messaging and everything else
is was bound to happen. In an interview with the Belfast Telegraph we let slip the working title of the album then said not to print it until we had finalised it with each other (and put it on this very site). Those words were not heeded and they printed it anyway.

We’re sorry you didn’t hear it from us first but the album is indeed called 'a hundred million suns’. We will endeavour to make you guys the first to hear about everything else. It’s becoming increasingly hard but we’ll do our best.

Lots of apologetic love to you all. Gary.x"

Unleash The Bass-Heavy Indie Rock!

I honestly don't know where to start with this one. Perhaps with, "unleash" a word that is high on my List Of Words That Should Never Appear In A Press Release. I mean, "unleash", Grace - really? Didn't your fingers just ache with shame while you were trying to tap that one out? And "soundtracking the world's most exciting parties", you mean they played some records a bit louder than they would at home and some people jigged about for a bit before having another drink and going home, right? And as for them being "fed-up with the banality and predictability of the nineties dance culture," well, for a start, the 90s was a long time ago and, for another start, Medicine 8 were, as a I recall, easily as banal and predictable as anyone else at the time. Anyway, I could go on and on about it, but a reader has summarised it thus:

This is a total grammar graveyard :(

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Grace Wood [grace@nile-on.com]
Subject: **Introducing Black Daniel: Single - Chelsea's Teardrops & host the video**

Black Daniel release a new single, "Chelsea's Teardrops / Hard Times On The Way" through Pieces of Eight Records on 4th August 2008. It is taken from their debut album 'Hard Times On The Way...' released on 8th September 2008.

London based electro-rock trio, Black Daniel unleash a fresh breed of bass-heavy, synth-infused indie-rock to British shores.

Black Daniel consist of the London born brothers Liam and Luke May, and New York ex-pat vocalist Craig Louis Higgins Junior. The May brothers were also known as seminal electro-house outfit Medicine 8, who, as DJs and producers toured the world from Buenos Aires to Tokyo, soundtracking the world's most exciting parties. A chance encounter at a New York nightclub brought them into contact with Craig Louis Jr, an influential club promoter at the time, and well respected for his club nights all over the city. An immediate bond ensued and Black Daniel was born.

Fed-up with the banality and predictability of the nineties dance culture, Black Daniel bring to light their satirical view on the last decade's obsession with all things material, and present it in an invigorating and urgent new sound.

Having already toured the length and breadth of Europe with Kasabian to arena sized audiences, Black Daniel have toned their live show to fill and spill out of any venue thrown at them, and energize each and every willing participant.

Grace Wood
Account Manager
www.nile-on.com