Pictures Of Silly

Can you remember the last time you felt excited by the fact you'd got a camera on your phone? What was it three, four years ago? Well, according to this press release we - or those of us who fall into the easily pitchable category, "the man on the street" - are still absolutely beside ourselves at the very idea of the whole phone-that-also-takes-pickchuz thing. Or, as an LiS reader with the hi-powered binoculars trained at the very front line of PR wonkery has it:

Hold the font page! Another urgent communiqué from the Department Of Stating The Blinding Obvious:

However:

1. Didn't the "new age in photography" dawn in 2002 when, as the timeline suggests, the first phone camera was made available?
2. As for the claim that "the mobile phone is allowing the man on the street to experiment with creative photography any place, any time" - presumably the same cannot be said of the Kodak Brownie, Olympus Trip, Polaroid et al
3. Who in their right mind would be happy to be described as a "Mo-Pho"?
Duh, duh and again, I tell you - duh


__________
Begin forwarded message:

From: "Barbara Bajkowski" [barbara@3-monkeys.co.uk]
Date: 27 August 2008 09:35:10 BDT
Subject: Brit's say cheese to mobile phone cameras

Brit’s say cheese to mobile phone cameras, according to 3
New age in photography dawns

The advent of mobile phone cameras has unleashed a new category of citizen snappers. Almost 70 per cent of the UK population (67 per cent) use their mobile phones as cameras when they’re out and about, indicating the rise of a new category of photographers, Mo-Phos or Mobile Photographers, according to mobile phone network 3.

A study into the photography habits of the nation showed that almost half (45 per cent) of the nation’s budding Annie Leibovitz and Mario Testinos are using their camera phones to capture quirky and interesting sights while on the go. However, the mobile phone camera remained less popular for traditional photography subjects such as family holidays (3 per cent), weddings and christenings (4 per cent).

Adam Davis, Head of Devices at 3 said: “Mobile phone cameras are allowing Brits to set their inner David Bailey free and snap away to their heart’s content, capturing quirky and interesting sights on the go.

“While there will always be a place for the old fashioned black and white film camera and the top of the range digital devices, the mobile phone is allowing the man on the street to experiment with creative photography any place, any time.

“With mobile phone usage at a record high with 70 million active mobile connections in the UK** we’re witnessing the dawning of a new age for the art of photography."

It's Not The End Of The World

Do you think that the end of the world, the end of all life, the death of your loved ones and their loved ones and everything you've ever known would be "uber fun" or "uber cool"? Do you even know what "uber" means? If these people actually meant that this fist-biting clown-fest was going to be "the party to end all parties", then I for one would applaud them as it would surely follow that I wouldn't have to suffer any more of these ridiculous emails. "Please include in you previews", you previews? Can't you even get the first line right? Or, as an LiS reader from an Important Media Organisation has it:

One flaw with this, and it's possibly not the only one, is that the world didn't end on October 11, 1986, so it's rather built on a false premise, eh? "8pm-1am (or until we all die)? But you're not going to die at this night, are you? And is having a Britain's Got Talent finalist something to brag about when your night is meant to be "uber [without the umlaut] cool". Aside from that, top marks for your effort to make another version of School Disco sound like it isn't another version of School Disco.

----- Forwarded Message -----
"georgia@getinvolvedltd.com" [georgia@getinvolvedltd.com]
26/08/08 14:56
Subject: 11/10/08**The End of the World party**

THE INFAMOUS UBER FUN ,UBER COOL END OF THE WORLD PARTY IS BACK !
Please include in you previews and listings sections. I have an extremely limited review guestlist so please let me know if you would like to come asap. Dress code and all other info is below..
Kindest Georgia

It’s your last night on Earth.

So party like there’s no tomorrow.

DJ’s: The Loose Cannons / Miss V / The Angel of Mercy
Performers: Craig - Hula Hooper (Britain’s Got Talent finalist) / Matt Hennem – Contact Juggler And More TBC…

Dress Code:
1986 – RUSSIA VS AMERICA
Think Russian Spies, All-American Power Players, Margaret Thatcher, Madonna, Rocky IV, general citizens of the 80s, in fact anything 80s.

8PM – 1AM (OR UNTIL WE ALL DIE)/ 93 FEET EAST / £7 WWW.TICKETWEB.CO.UK

THE NIGHT
The End of the World is a themed clubbing experience at 93 Feet East, London E1. An unavoidable catastrophe is looming. We’re all going to die. But rather than mope around feeling sorry for ourselves, we’re throwing the party to end all parties. It’s your last chance to do all the things you always wanted to do and be the person you always wanted to be. The night combines DJs, live acts, and story telling and offers people the chance to party like there is no tomorrow.

THE STORY
The year is 1986 and a global catastrophe is looming YOU'VE DONE THIS BIT ALREADY. The Cold War between the Soviet Union and America has reached breaking point. On the night of 11 October the USA will launch an all-out nuclear attack on the Soviet Union. The Soviets will respond in kind, and the world will be obliterated. There will be no survivors. To avoid mass panic the governments of the world are doing their utmost to prevent this news from reaching the public, but we know the truth OH JESUS.

When the news breaks, some people might rush to be with their families; some might head for their places of worship; and some might simply be consumed by misery and self-pity. Then there will be some, like us, who might want to accept our fate, laugh in the face of adversity, gather together all the people we love and have the most self-indulgent, dirty, debauched night of our entire lives so that when we go out it’s with love in our hearts and smiles on our faces!

So, if you want to die happy, come to the party to end all parties, on your last night on Earth.

COUNTDOWN
A huge countdown clock and newsflash interruptions continually remind clubbers that they are here in celebration of their last few hours. Incredible acts will keep you entertained throughout the night and the indulgence area will make you feel like a million dollars on your last night ever.

ANY LAST REQUESTS?
It’s their last chance to dance, so the clubbers should choose the music! In the weeks running up to the night, guests can email in their “Last Requests” – the songs they want to dance their last dance to. As the clock ticks down, the DJs mix their chosen tracks and we party until we explode.


THE END
Our doom is inevitable but at least we’re in it together. As the clock ticks down, love spreads around the room as we say our final goodbyes before we countdown to destruction and enter the unknown…….there’ll be no survivors, but at least we’ll go out with a bang.

DRESS CODE

1986 – RUSSIA VS AMERICA
Think Russian Spies, All-American Power Players, Margaret Thatcher, Madonna, Rocky IV, general citizens of the 80s, in fact anything 80s.

THE END OF THE WORLD
SATURDAY 11 OCTOBER
8PM – 1AM (OR UNTIL WE ALL DIE)

The Dork Continent

This just in from an LiS reader:

I suppose the charitable interpretation of this press release is that it was written by someone who didn't speak English as a first language. But given that the press contact appears to be English, with a UK phone number, I'm not convinced.

The intro is particularly choice: 'The saying goes: "The dust of Africa never leaves the soles of your feet" which must explain the continued growth in tourism on the continent and especially the nation of Botswana.' Eh?

Beyond that, I like the way the writer bravely ploughs through a seemingly-endless procession of grindingly boring facts and bad grammar before eventually getting around to the thing they are supposed to be selling in the last three paragraphs.
__________
FORWARDED MESSAGE
www.limpopo-lipadi.com

"The dust of Africa never leaves the soles of your feet"
The saying goes: "The dust of Africa never leaves the soles of your feet" which must explain the continued growth in tourism on the continent and especially the nation of Botswana.

Botswana is one of the most politically and economically stable countries in Africa and it ranks number 36 in the world according to the 2008 Index of Economic Freedom, a report that is compiled by the Heritage Foundation and Wall Street Journal. This figure seems to be reflected in the comments from Botswana's Minister of Environment, Wildlife and Tourism Honorable Onkokame Kitso Mokaila who recently announced that Travel and Tourism will be made a priority for the country's economy even more than it has been in past years. GREAT START - KEEP GOING!

Botswana has been one of the fastest growing nations in the world over the past 25 years and with July 2008 being earmarked as the month of national heritage it is easy to see why this nation has a continuous growth in economical and tourist figures YOU'RE LOSING ME :( It has a government and a people that believe in the bigger picture; a long term effect on the economy as an independent market and its place in the world market.

The travel and tourism demand in Botswana is forecast to average 5% growth per annum over the next 10 years which will comfortably exceed expected worldwide growth of 4.4% PICK UP THE PACE, SWEETHEART... The demand is already being reflected in the nation's employment figures. In 2006 the Botswana Tourism Board reported that travel and tourism accounted for one in every 10 jobs and in 2008 they expect the figure to improve to 1 in every 9, by 2018 this figure is set to rise to 1 in every 7.5 jobs I'M DYING HERE.

Developing other sub-sectors of travel and tourism in Botswana will see an expansion in nature-based and sustainable tourism. The World Travel and Tourism Council (WTTC) highlights the ongoing land allocation for tourism and conservation and environmental efforts saying: "TEDIOUS QUOTE REMOVED."

Limpopo-Lipadi is an independent game and wilderness reserve in eastern Botswana which is celebrating its 5th year in development in October 2008 with the completion of 6 lodge sites planned for December 2009. Covering some TEDIUM REMOVED, it goes without saying that investing is more than parting with some cash.

"I personally try to AND STILL WITH THE BORING STUFF running such a project"

The Limpopo-Lipadi project perfectly represents the type of intelligent, improving and enabling eco-responsible PLEASE MAKE IT STOP and enjoy, they are limitless.

For more information visit www.limpopo-lipadi.com

Rubbish NME Quotes In Press Releases: 3

It Hugs Back's Work Day

NME said: "Kent could soon produce it's (SIC) very own Bright Eyes"

Riiiigghht...

Ha! He Means Drugs!

Do you see what he's done here? James has mixed up - deliberately, mind - the record label he works for, Columbia, and the planet's 26th largest country, Colombia, home of FARC, the Witoto, Páez and Tucano people and, more to the point, mountains of delicious, snow-white bugle. A to the Mayzing! Thanks to a LiS reader in the central London area for sending me this.

------ Forwarded Message
From: [James.Hopkins@sonybmg.com]
Date: Thu, 21 Aug 2008 15:12:28 +0100
Subject: COLUMBIA BANDS AT READING/LEEDS ACTIVITY

For all of those of you at Reading & Leeds this weekend - We have a fine array of Columbia's finest in action...no not in the hospitality toilets!!!! but onstage.

TWISTED WHEEL - Named in this weeks NME Bands to watch of the weekend (attached here)...This fantastic new band from DELETED are already setting a blazing trail into 2009. They have just recorded their debut album with DELETED in DELETED and will be on tour for the rest of the year. They release a single 'DELETED' in DELETED and are around for interviews.

the METROS - Peckhams HE MEANS PECKHAM'S finest will be around as well to talk about their debut album which will hit stores on DELETED and all their recent mischief and escapades of which there are many. You can see them in the current issue of DELETED & making Rosamund Pike look good in the new DELETED. Hit us back with any requests yo!

RAGE & TENACIOUS D will not be doing Press interviews onsite but will both rock your f**kin' socks off. NO THEY WON'T - THEY ARE UNFUNNY NOBS

For Those about to rock we salute you.

Hit me back with requests: james.hopkins@sonybmg.com

Hold That Tiny Box At The Extreme Bottom Left Of Page 83!

Thanks to a keen-eyed LiS reader I now know That Fucking Tank are - at last! - available for interview!

My questions for That Fucking Tank:
1. Guys! Great to meet you. Love the new mp3! How's things, yeah?
2. WHY OH WHY OH WHY HAVE YOU GOT SUCH A RUBBISH NAME?
/Ends/

If you have questions for That Fucking Tank (or Pulled Off By Horses, or whatever they're called), simply send them to me and I'll forward them on.

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: James Brown - on the bone records
Date: 2008/8/19
Subject: Leeds/Reading festival - acts available for interviews

Hi all,

So Leeds/Reading festival is three days away and we have a few of our artists playing this years events including Fran Rodgers who won this years futuresound competition and will be opening the Festival Republic stage at both Reading and Leeds. Also Wintermute will be opening the Dance to the Radio stage on the Thursday night.

Pulled Apart by Horses and also That Fucking Tank will be playing the BBC Introducing stage at both Reading and Leeds. If you would like to speak/interview any of the following acts please get in touch with by this email or mobile phone number +44 ARE YOU CALLING FROM AMERICKY? 798**948*2 (James Brown). Or for any other press information please get in touch also JUST CALL ME, OK

.

Yawn To Be Wild

In this day and age the very concept of an "embargo" is ludicrous. But when it's applied to a horseshit radio "poll" so lame you'd think it had broken both ankles well, the head spins with the hilarity of it all. But that's not why we're here. We're here because this is terrible PR. So,

1. Shouldn't that be "ROCK'S" not "ROCKS"?
2. How many people voted?
3. Who counted?
4. Were they allowed to choose whatever song they wanted?
5. Is it "Sweet child o'mine" or "Sweet child o’ mine", because you can't have both.
6. Is it "Whole lotta Love" or "Whole lotta love", because you can't have both.
7. When you say "Derek and the Dominoes", do you mean "Derek and the Dominos"?
8. When you mention Cream's "Sunshine for your love", do you mean Cream's "Sunshine Of Your Love"?

------ Forwarded Message
From: Julia Horne [julia.horne@pure.com]
Date: Mon, 18 Aug 2008 15:33:24 +0100
Subject: NAME DELTED - Rocks Greatest Riffs

EMBARGOED UNTIL 00:01HRS MONDAY 25th AUGUST 2008

‘SMOKE ON THE WATER’ BY DEEP PURPLE TOPS CHART AS ROCKS GREATEST RIFF

Top Ten To Be Played By NAME DELETED On Bank Holiday Monday

Award-winning DAB station NAME DELETED and DELETED, makers of the in-car DAB Radio "DELETED" have conducted a poll to establish the top ten greatest rock riffs of all time. OH BRILLIANT IDEA - THANKS! NAME DELETED listeners voted ‘Smoke on the Water’ to the number one spot with more than a third of the votes. Led Zeppelin’s ‘Whole Lotta Love’ took second place and Guns ‘n’ Roses ‘Sweet child o’ mine’ came in at number three

Top 10
1 Deep Purple Smoke on the Water

2 Led Zeppelin Whole lotta Love

3 Guns 'n' Roses Sweet child o'mine

4 AC/DC Whole lotta Rosie

5 Jimi Hendrix Voodoo Chile

6 Derek and the Dominoes Layla

7 Free Alright now

8 Cream Sunshine for your love

9 Black Sabbath Paranoid

10 Deep Purple Burn