Just When You Thought You'd Read The Most Toe-Curling Press Release Evah...

... this arrives. I honestly don't know where to start. Hellun Urth - Hell On Earth - AMAZING! - has, to my eyes, written the worst, most supine, self-loathing, cringingly awful press release I have ever read. The life-is-passing-me-by, why-does-everything-I-touch-turn-to-dust bitterness floods off this in cripplingly hot waves. I cannot, however much I try, work out why anyone in their right mind would present themselves and their client's product in such a terrible light. Or, as a reader has it:

oof x 100

Forwarded by *** on 23/04/08 10:47
"Hellen Urth" hell@poisonpr.co.uk
22/04/08 15:57

To: hell@poisonpr.co.uk
Subject: HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You’re a journalist…
…a Very Important Journalist…
…on a Very Important Publication.

You have a professional obligation to be as cynical as possible about every new beauty product that crosses your desk….
…and we know that hundreds of them cross your desk every month…
…because you’re a journalist…
…A Very Important Journalist.
THAT’S FANTASTIC!!!!

I’m a PR girl…
…a lowly PR girl…
…in a small agency….
…with a miniscule budget...

In comparison, you have to agree, THAT SUCKS!!!!

I have two kids, a large hungry mongrel, two mad cats, a long-eared rabbit, two hamsters (possibly more – one is getting very fat) and countless goldfish to support (oh, and let’s not forget him indoors as well)…

…so all I’m asking is for you to put your cynicism aside and please spare me just a few tiny weeny minutes of your Very Important Time to have a look at the best new beauty product that’s going to cross your desk (this month at least).

My client’s product ACTUALLY WORKS and is backed up by excellent data from clinical trials and celebrity endorsement...
…stay with me now!

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE put your hard-earned right to cynicism aside for at least a few nanoseconds and e-mail me – hell@poisonpr.co.uk

I’ll send you a So-Short-You-Can-Read-It-In-30-Seconds summary of why you should feature this brilliant product as soon as possible in your Very Important Publication. And samples...and photos…whatever you want really…

You won’t be disappointed I promise, and I’ll even throw in a hamster to a good home…

Thanks for your time and hope to hear from you very soon!!
Hell
xx