I've no idea why Manhattan Media decided I'd be interested in this since all I ever write about on my blog is Liverpool, films and art galleries. Anyway, hey-ho. I should quite like this because it somehow skillfully manages to work in the Perez Hilton holy trinity and excessively describes them as "walking time bombs", whilst miraculously hanging it off Locklear's DWI, though in reality I hate it because it sounds like, at best, a page thirty "exclusive" in the Daily Mail. The sentiment's laudable but it's so sanctimonious. Plus, whoever wrote it can't seem to find the apostrophe on the keyboard.
From: Manhattan Media [mailto:firstname.lastname@example.org]
Sent: 01 October 2008 16:28
Subject: FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE ::: HEATHER LOCKLEAR'S DWI ARREST INSPIRES NEW ORGANIZATION
CONTACT: Jeff Davis
75TH ANNIVERSARY OF END OF PROHIBITION APROACHES
NEW ORGANIZATION IS FORMED NABC "NYC NIGHT CLUBS AGAINST BOTTLE SERVICE"
New York City nightlife entrepreneur and owner John JE Englebert is reaching out to nightclubs and lounges across the Big Apple to put an end to bottle service which contributes to high abuse of alcohol in the city that never sleeps GREAT OPENER.
The recent DWI arrest of actress Heather Locklear has inspired Mr Englebert a former friend of Locklear whom she met in the VIP room of the infamous Club USA decades ago when JE worked for the Peter Gatien empire EH?. Club USA was one of the largest nightclubs in NYC history. This latest arrest with other DWIs in the last year from other stars including Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears are all arrests due to alcohol abuse.
According to JE, celebs and party girls like Lindsay, Britney and Paris are role models for girls all over the world but are becoming walking time bombs BRILLIANT!, drinking excessively at VIP tables in nightclubs, bars and lounges supplied by bottle service. "I care about my customer's health, safety and well being like my own family but no one wants to give up the huge profits and money made by the sale of the bottled spirits. If its HE MEANS "IT'S" in front of you, you will drink it.'
The recent Wall Street meltdown will cause sad times in the financial capital of the world, Manhattan INNIT :(. More alcohol is usually consumed when times are tough. In Mr Engleberts HE MEANS ENGLEBERT'S clubs alone alcohol drinking is up over 30 percent since the Wall Street crash. JE will replace any bottle of alcohol for a liter of Coke, Pepsi or Water HE MEANS "water" free of charge, if he feels the customer has partied too much SO GENEROUS.
CONTACT: Jeff Davis
Englebert is accepting interview requests
Friday, 3 October 2008
Have I Got Booze For You?
No I haven't, not anymore, not now "John JE Englebert" has decided that he doesn't want people drinking too much despite the fact that, according to this press release, "In Mr Engleberts clubs alone alcohol drinking is up over 30 percent since the Wall Street crash...". No booze or apostrophes - nice! Make of that what you will. Or, as an LiS reader has it: