Thursday, 27 March 2008

My New Becks Mate

A kindly reader has just sent me this. Press releases as badly-written, as patronising, as weak-minded and as coma-inducing as this make me want to lie down in the road and die. In what universe is this an acceptable piece to send out? There's a mistake ("He may have moved halfway across the world to Los Angeles and employs [you mean "employ", right?] a legion of bodyguards") in the first line. The thing I can never really get over is that someone is getting paid to pump out this crap. The kindly reader has it thus:

Literally fuck.off. Who did they ask to take part? The ingredients of Cunt Soup?

Begin forwarded message:

From: donald.parish@shinecom.com
Date: 27 March 2008 12:15:20 GMT
To:
Subject: A BEER WITH BECKS?  SOCCER STAR IS BRITISH MALES TOP CHOICE FOR NEW BEST MATE

News Release
27 March 2008

 
A BEER WITH BECKS?  SOCCER STAR IS BRITISH MALES TOP CHOICE FOR NEW BEST MATE
 
He may have moved halfway across the world to Los Angeles and employs a legion of bodyguards, but David Beckham is the man most British would choose as their best mate, according to a poll carried out to celebrate the BLAHBLAHBLAHBLAH

 
The poll, carried out on BLAHBLAHBLAH asked men which celeb they would most like to befriend and saw ex-England captain Beckham come top of the list with a whopping 27% of the vote. Radio DJ Johnny Vaughan came in a close second with a respectable 22%, trailed closely by rival breakfast show host Chris Moyles with OH JESUS - WE ARE SURROUNDED BY SLACK-JAWED IDIOTS
 
Ant and Dec also made it into the top ten celebs Brit blokes would like to be mates with, but surprisingly they PLEASE MAKE THIS CRAP END

5 comments:

Lulu said...

If a PR company ever breathed the word 'poll' at me I'd sack them on the spot

Can't believe this stuff still runs

Lost In Showbiz said...

it doesn't fill you full of confidence for the future, does it?

Jamie said...

Ugh. I applaud your work as I have to deal with this kind of shit as well.

My personal favourite was a release from some muppet representing a 'premium lager' made by a company based in Liverpool.

He suggested that the beer cold become as 'iconical' as The Beatles, before suggesting that it would make drinkers look 'as cool as that other iconic liverpool legend George Best'. George Best, who died shortly afterwards from liver failure.

KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK.

http://eclecticboogaloo.typepad.com

Andrew said...

Actually, "employs" could be quite correct, assuming that the subjunctive isn't implied. Thus only the moving to LA might counter the fact that most British would choose Becks as their 'best mate'. The information about the bodyguards is given purely for reference purposes. The first sentence could then be read - 'Although he has moved halfway across the world to Los Angeles (he also employs a legion of bodyguards), David Beckham is still ... '

Then again, this would be a stupid sentence and not make an awful lot of sense.

Lost In Showbiz said...

Hey Jamie: The word "iconical" is revolting. And what has George Best got to do with Liverpool anyway?
Hey Andrew: You're right - but that's not how it's written - or suggested - is it? Your version is better, but then, I would wager, you're not the sort of work-experience twonk who's paid buttons to crank out this rubbish.