Monday, 7 April 2008

An Object Lesson In Hard News

This is how you do it, people. I can't imagine there was a newsdesk in the country that didn't explode with pleasure when this email arrived. "At last," they must have thought, "some real news stories - X2! - concerning bands that real people actually care about!" Anyway, a band called Ejectorseat had a car crash. It's a shame they didn't have an ejector seat HAHAHAHAHAHA. A man who smokes got told off by a company who make cigarettes HAHAHAHAHAHA.

Amazing.
------ Forwarded Message
From: lokipr.com
Date: Fri, 28 Mar 2008 11:08:00 +0000
To: mailout@lokipr.com
Subject: NEWS STORIES - BAND IN CAR CRASH, AND CAMEL CIGARETTES LEGAL BATTLE WITH BAND

NEWS STORIES X2 - PLEASE ADD TO YOUR WEBSITES IF POSSIBLE, OR LET ME KNOW IF YOU'D LIKE TO PRINT THE STORIES.

Please reply and let me know if you will be running them. Many thanks Kelly x

Ejectorseat – CAR CRASH

Last night the band Ejectorseat were in a nasty motorway crash which resulted in their van being written off. They were coming back from a sold out Southampton gig. They escaped bruised and battered – luckily but had to cancel last night's London show, and tonight in Brighton.

The band that Taste Media BLAHBLAHBLAH Animal Farm Producers.

South – CAMEL REFUSE TO PAY THEM THE THOUSANDS THEY OWE FOR GIG

I can now reveal REVEAL! REVEAL! that legendary LEGENDARY! band South, who have made they're money and fame in the USA despite being British BLAHBLAHBLAH £10,000.

However after seeing a female audience member at the gig with a Camel tattoo branded on her arm, Joel BLAHBLAHBLAH legal battle.

The irony is that Joel, actually smokes. AMAZING IRONY, THANKS! He BLAHBLAHBLAH battle continues….

2 comments:

Lulu said...

This blog is becoming the 'Who's Not' of the PR world. Hopefully some bands will read this guff and be able to make some informed choices about who they go with for their own PR.

Some people seem to be mistaking over excited news reportage in the style of daytime commercial radio as PR.

I'm no expert but -

First band: This could be a story about road insurance for bands, or the problem with travelling in vans, or as part of life on the road, or a story about how it made the band look at life differently so close to death, or how it helped them write a new song, or how they're now going to do something for road safety, or how one of them fell in love with a policewoman at the scene, or how they will now cycle to their next gig, or how they will use the pieces left of the van as the backdrop to their new show etc etc

Second band: A story about how the band have hit upon the problems of band sponsorhip, how they countersued Camel, how they went with another sponsor, how they made their money back anyway, the fact that they all smoke/don't smoke, how Camel are preying on bands and these guys are the victims, how a band took on a sponsor, the difference between cig advertising in the UK vs USA etc etc

These PR companies are sitting on stories and turning them into worthless fluff.

Lost In Showbiz said...

The problem is, Lulu, you've used your brain and some imagination rather than just, disjointedly, banging out the crap. That'll never catch on.