World's New Worst PR Email

This just in from a kind reader. Sometimes you just have to sit back and let yourself be amazed by a press release, really let it soak in (as it were).

Hi there, LiS,

This is the worst press releases I've received in a long time. It's for an album by a band called Driveby Argument, and starts thus: "This album will make you shit your pants!" (like that's a recommendation??) before getting even better over the course of two whole pages. I've typed out the first and last paragraphs, copying spelling and punctuation exactly, and added a few notes of my own (in caps). The PR company is The Incubator. Enjoy!



This Album Will Make You Shit Your Pants!

…And If It Doesn’t Here’s a Laxative

Scotland’s very own genre bashing powerhouse Drive-By Argument are finally set to release their self-titled, debut album on 12 May, following a mammoth “highlands and Ireland” tour schedule. The album crowbars together influences ranging from The Cure to Squarepusher combusting into 10 tracks of glittering, electronic disco rock, or as the band once put it themselves “four to the floor unhappy hardcore”. Such is there [sic] musical alchemy of slicing together the best bits of acts like (Death Cab For Cutie cult side project) The Postal Service, with the most angular moments of one time Brit antagonisers The Cooper Temple Clause that DBA have never, perhaps thankfully, been lumped into a “scene” or jumped on any wagons of any description.

[IT THEN BANGS ON LIKE THAT FOR SEVERAL HUNDRED WORDS BEFORE FINALLY ENDING WITH THIS CONVOLUTED, MIS-PUNCTUATED PARAGRAPH]

DBA are now a firm fixture within a number of bands making up Glasgow’s (and indeed Scotland’s) vibrant but sometimes overlooked music scene, however alongside bands like GlasVegas, Make Model, My Latest Novel and The Royal We the sound coming down from up north won’t be ignored much longer. In 2008 DBA strap on the guitars and boot up the synths ready to whip up mosh pits and dance floors alike nationwide, having given a taster of what’s to come with a Kerrang! Radio-sponsored night in Birmingham on 4 Feb 2008 they head out on their first headline UK tour later in 2008.

(NOTE THAT NOWHERE DOES IT EXPLAIN WHY THE ALBUM WILL MAKE YOU “SHIT YOUR PANTS” OR, INDEED, WHY “SHITTING YOUR PANTS” WOULD BE AN APPROPRIATE REACTION. SO IT’S NOT JUST GUILTY OF VULGARITY AND COARSENESS, BUT ALSO OF FAILING TO ACTUALLY JUSTIFY THE HEADLINE! JUST APPALLING.]