A Heartwarming Tale Told Apallingly

A reader from the east London area sent me this wonderfully annotated email (and I apologise to said reader for my rude interruptions).

I know that the subject of this press release is about as far from "showbiz" as it's possible to get, but it is a stellar example of bad PR.

Its failures divide into three categories:

1. The crashingly dull and irrelevant nature of the story - a council has given an old lady a new fridge-freezer.
2. The underlying fact that the old lady was waiting a year for the council to repair flood damage to her home, they changed the electrics so her fridge wouldn't work anymore - and they want credit for getting her a new one.
3. The soul-crushingly bad, GCSE English prose. My favourite passage is this one:
"Unfortunately this left Mrs Alexander with a major problem, her old fridge freezer was not compatible with the new electrics, so she now had nowhere to store essential food supplies. But don't worry,(I DIDN'T) Sue Johnson Decent Homes Customer Liaison
Officer (CLO) came to Mrs Alexander's rescue. Sue works for one of the Hull City Council's partnership contractors, Kingstown Works Ltd (KWL) and in any one week, she can work with up to more than 36 home owners (IS IT "UP TO" OR "MORE THAN", YOU CRETIN? AND MORE IMPORTANTLY, WHO COULD POSSIBLY CARE?)."

But it's up against some tough competition from the "quote" from the old lady, which manages to sound implausible, sad, and desperate, all at once: "I can't thank Sue and KWL enough for all their help and generosity, I never dreamt that this would be the outcome of my disaster. It's only the third bunch of flowers I've ever received in my
whole life and Sue is one in a million."

-----Original Message-----
From: Anna Millar [mailto:newsflash@hull.newsflashconnect.co.uk]
Sent: 30 July 2008 15:24
Cc: Anna.Millar@hullcc.gov.uk
Subject: Hull City Council News Release: KWL go the extra mile for flood victim

30/07/2008

For Immediate Release
KWL go the extra mile for flood victim

As victims of last years WHERE'S THE APOSTROPHE? floods continue to move back into their homes after of year OF YEAR? of living in temporary accommodation, one elderly resident from Longhill got a surprise welcome home gift.

Like many Hull City Council tenants, Mrs Alexander's home in Limerick Close, Longhill was given a new kitchen and full re-wire on her property, which she has lived at for most of her life, to bring it up to the Decent Homes standard whilst it was receiving vital work to correct the flood damage. TERRIBLE SENTENCE, THANKS!

Unfortunately this left Mrs Alexander with a major problem, her old fridge freezer was not compatible with the new electrics, so she now had nowhere to store essential food supplies. YOU MEAN FOOD, RIGHT?

But don't worry, Sue Johnson Decent Homes Customer Liaison Officer (CLO) came to Mrs Alexander's rescue. Sue works for one of the Hull City Council's partnership contractors, Kingstown Works Ltd (KWL) and in any one week, she can work with up to more than 36 home owners.

Sue spoke to several charities and KWL company contributions to help with the replacements for Mrs Alexander and within a few days, Sue was promised a brand new fridge/freezer and a donation to replace its contents.

KWL presented Mrs Alexander with her new goods and a bouquet of flowers, Mrs Alexander was overwhelmed: "I can't thank Sue and KWL enough for all their help and generosity, I never dreamt that this would be the outcome of my disaster. THERE IS NO WAY THIS WOMAN SAID THIS. It's only the third bunch of flowers I've ever received in my whole life and Sue is one in a million. I have never been treated like this before in my life FFS, IT'S ONLY A FRIDGE GRANDMA and I give a great big thank you from the bottom of my heart."

Rescuer RESCUER! Sue said: "Mrs Alexander was very grateful for the replacements, she cried with joy over the fact we had gone that extra mile for her. My role of CLO is very rewarding when a situation like this has a happy ending.

ENDS

For further information please contact:
Anna Millar, Press Officer
Email: anna.millar@hullcc.gov.uk